patient..

i dunno how long u can be patient enough, hopefully u r not giving up nor being impatient abt this r/ns..sumtimes when a person couldnt stand it, they simply dun even noe wat they'r toking abt, till when 1 day they sit down and realise tat they r making a big mistake..i hope u r not 1 of the person..trying to make myself a patient person ever since i came back..be patient, only can i achieve..job searching is tough no matter whr am i..even if i haf alr gotten a job, but well, thr is still some admin work for me to do..i noe regardless which plc im working at, is still the same..anyway juz bless myself, hopefully everything goes smoothly..lastly, i miss u greatly..

feeling guilty..

each time i think of my dear, i feel so guilty, y..im still blaming myself for juz leaving him thr alone..thinking that nobody accompany him to eat or slp..nobody waiting for him to come hme, but i juz hope tat he'll soon get use to this kind of lifestyle..but nevertheless though is an ldr, but i believe in myself tat it's workable..making sure tat he online everyday, seeing him, ensuring tat he's eating all his proper meals..though ldr, but im sure tat i haf the capability to take care of him by only communicating with him..ensuring him not to skip meals, perhaps im becoming more like an auntie, but dear, sorry this's wat i am..nobody to take care of him, therefore, as a gf, i haf to try my best to be fierce at him at times..yeah ldr at times r tough, but never say gif up, everything'll go smoothly..once again, awaiting for his pr status, another 2 mths plus to go, soon..awaiting for his big smile on his face..god'll bless him..and study hard 2 mths, is fast alrite.. i miss u dearly..

shopping for working clothes..

realising tat i couldnt accept the fact tat im actually looking for working clothes nw..usually i'll pop by into those shops selling casual wear, nevertheless today seems weird enough tat im looking at the shops tat usually working adults r entering into..it seems difficult to even find a nice working clothes..esp the top is the hardest of all, and i believe wat my mum says, top is more difficult to find than bottom..b4 start work, it's a definite to splurge on working clothes..realising tat perth already difficult to find but den sg is also equally the same..y am i preparing for clothes when i dun even haf any interview successfully approved..sigh, life sucks for nw, but i shall take it slowly, i believe in luck and miracles at times..

6th day

i haf already left u for the 6 days, time really passes fast, a week has already gone..this yr really pass very fast perhaps, cuz every single day in perth seems to be my happiest memories..but everything is a blessing for me, since i haf got him..therefore really hope tat nth will change for both of us..but i believe to monitor a person isnt going to be difficult task, juz communicate every single day and noe wat the other party is doing, everything'll juz go smoothly..glad tat every nite we do tok on msn, at least i noe tat he doesnt go anywhr but only to spend time online with me..at least is gd tat he doesnt really haf outside entertainment but only revolving with his work and studies..im getting sad each time, pressurizing myself to find a job..but if i dun look carefully for the job i like it, i guess i'll regret even more..i haf to gif myself a dead line on when exactly shd i be starting a job..if hopefully by this month end or beginning of oct im able to get the job, i be delighted at least, thr is some money coming in soon..dear, i miss u lots, these 3 words..

i miss you..

forgotten to add the 3 words, i miss you once again..

interviews..

well, enough of childish stuff with a small ger, is wasting my time..well today 2 interview hopefully i can comment by saying perhaps it does goes well..but perhaps i could say thr r more opportunities for me to search abt, rather than sticking into juz 2 interviews i went..i think monday would be a day to search for jobs..and i guess im lacking of working clothes, this's bad man..got to think abt wat to wear everyday..but is time to be mature soon..think logically, reasoning, and mature..

privacy requested..

nv in my life haf i ever seen such a person who is intruding into other ppl's r/ns..come on man, cant a ger juz let go a guy and let him lead his new r/ns happily..how could she even haf the authorization to check the guy's email at all, isnt this call privacy being intruded at all..who does she think she belongs to nw, i do get flare up abt this, but is simply too childish enough to even scold a ger who's younger than me.. i tried to protect him, but not myself, juz hate d way she say him..some ppl r juz too free enough to do all these kind of childish stuff, but i dun understand since she has so much nite socialization going on, how can she even bother abt small issue over these..she could ask ppl to grow up by not crying, but i think, she shd juz sit down and think abt who shd be growing up by nw..well, i guess the ans is obvious, she shd be the 1 growing up..i juz wonder how could my guy even go with these ger for a couple of yrs, is simply juz wasting his time..but den i understand fully, when love is thr, it's impossible to escape frm it..i guess i dun even haf the rite to say him, cuz i haf alr experience it once and for all..hopefully, my blog wun be intruded by some ppl who r unwelcome as well..this blog is only meant for ppl who r dearest and closest to me..hopefully my blog isnt search by some unwanted ppl..

straining..

y do i feel so scare to look at or even call my dad..usually when he comes home, i try to hide myself, juz refuse to see him..wat is wrong with me..he is the 1 who pay for all my sch fees and here i am not toking to him..but anyway my r/ns with him has always been straining since when i am young..but anyway this is my own life nw, perhaps nw im living in my own world..well i believe if a person has money with them, they wouldnt be afraid of anything..this is my mentality for nw..and lastly, i miss him, these 3 words will always appear in my blog..

stepping stone??when??

everyday seems a routine for me, wake up, stare at the computer, as usual, the same 3 pages will be displayed..my dearest jobsdb, job street and job central..newspapers, i needed it badly, so dearest cheryl, pls take note ya, leave it for me..job hunting is the worst of all, and once i am off this misery, i be starting my stepping stone soon..im so doubtful, looking forward to it but den at the same time, the devil is telling me to juz rot all the way..but anyway human beings haf to keep their brain functioning, so well, of cuz we nd to 1st study, den only work to survive for the future..and i realise that marriage is again back to my mind, lol, with no financial and i dare dare think abt all these..and gosh, this boy of mine is still young, he has a brighter future awaiting for him, so shall wait ya..and i shall pursue my career..izzit cuz as a person grow older, they tend not to haf any outside entertainment, but im 1 of them..refuse to pull myself out, hiding myself at hme, lol, hopefully wun bring myself to suffering frm depression..lucky thr is still him to tok to me..and i feel tat i din really get to really tok much with my best of frends, if thr's time indeed i will look for my bff..u noe i am referring to u..lol..

enough..

i haf enough searching for jobs, calling up companies, nevertheless, every company seems far for me..so sick and tired of looking for jobs or am i juz escaping from reality..couldnt face the fact that i am entering into the workforce..fear and scarriness, these 2 words r describing my feelings for nw..my mind is all abt doing nth, but well, ppl r difficult to satisfy..when they haf nth better to do, they start complaining, however, when it comes to work and study, they also complain..so is quite tough to describe wat does satisfaction exactly means..i only noe the word dissatisfaction which strongly describes abt my life for the present..im trying to be patient, but anxiousness juz overwhelm me too much..life is sucky at present, but i shall face it by myself..nv cause misery on other ppl, cuz every1 do haf their problems at times..and lastly i miss u these 3 words shall always be remembered to say to him..

i miss you..

i thought i am strong enough, however, nite starts to fall in..my mind is starting to wonder ard, thinking of the happy times when im over thr for holiday..wat will we be doing in the evening, remembering the favourite spot of drinking coffee with him..im starting to feel sad and emotional..he is lost,but, i noe im lost as well..but im juz pretending in front of him, pretend to be strong in front of him.. the whole day searching for jobs, nv rest at all..i feel so scared at times, the working life, how does it look like..seriously needed him by my side, but, i noe i cant be selfish..every1 has to pursue their own life, he shd pursue for his future studying..i haf been telling him to be strong, but wat abt me, am i really strong enough to carry on with myself..r we both simply too attached to each other, r we really still in the honeymoon period..but i only noe tat i cant bear to lose him..the thought of ldr for few yrs seems to be scary for me, wat'll i foreseen nx yr..im getting worried..y does my confidence level keep on falling, wat am i actually afraid of..yes indeed, afraid of losing him..perhaps everything'll be settled once he got his pr, he wouldnt be so depressed leading his life..at least he has a status in aus, sometimes i wish he could start applying nw, to noe wht he be qualify..i'll pray harder for him to stay strong, god will lead to the right path of his life..i pray to god tat he'll bless in our r/ns and at times to forgive and forget..im officially missing him, and tat's y i love tat song..the song is for him..usually i noe tat when im alone at hme, i'll be expecting him to come hme, but nw thr is no more expectation, but me all alone in d room, thinking alot..i feel like crying, and i noe i needed him alot..i really needed him..

holidays ended..

covocation has ended, and another 2 days i will be back in jb..though i haf been slacking for a mth plus, but time really passes so fast..i be facing reality soon, working hard enough to search for a suitable job..once i haf successfully gotten a job, i simply noe the journey of working life starts from tat day onwards..and to serve my 3 yrs bond, and i noe it is going to end very fast..everything will be sweet once my bond has ended, to c myself with a happy family, perhaps im too confident in my r/ns, though is too early to say, but i haf faith and trust..i will take care of my r/ns and nv let anything to happen during this 3 yrs..but for nw, im not thinking too much abt it, but im still worrying hunting for jobs..

decisions..

realising that the job market is getting bad in sg, not many jobs are posted on the website..getting worried and impatient..wondering wht im able to get any jobs at all in sg..if only i dun haf the bond in sg, i wouldnt haf to worry so much..i would rather stay in australia and get a higher salary..but to persuade my parents is not an easy job..dad wouldnt even allowed me to do tat..worries are simply never ending..will i even get a job when i get back to sg..will i be able to meet my deadline..im simply getting impatient for nw, frustrated with myself..but wat can i do..im stuck in nowhere..juz a cert, no financial stability, who am i going to rely on..not even my parents, im juz old enough to earn a single cent for myself..

life sucks..

life is juz so sucky when u juz haf to face so much problems in 1 shot..is not juz only the problems that belong to yourself but thr is also your partner's problem to face..everything juz come together when u r juz simply too lost to even find ways to help or consult the other party..sometimes im juz sick of facing this world, waking up everyday, alone, feeling so depressed when the day is such a beautiful day..god teaches us to thank him for the day that he has given me, im trying to make myself be happier each day, i wonder am i juz pretending to be happy at times..am i juz trying to escape everything, am i juz trying to push everything behind and not bother abt it, but in this world, am i even allowed to escape from realism..wat r the ways to make myself feel better, to drink more alcohol and feel better..or even to resort to other danger stuff..i hate to be alone, but i juz refuse to find any1 to tok to, wat am i even trying to do..wat can even satisfy me..im really lost to the max, how can i continue with myself, when i dun even haf any sense of direction..everyday feeling sad and tired..waking up every nw and then, wat is even wrong with my sleeping style..is life tat meaningless..im dun even bother tat i am jobless, but im juz not satisfy with myself..wat am i so gd at telling me wat they shd do, wat kind of route they shd pursue in the future, but y am i so bad at telling myself wat i shd even do nw..i misses all my closest ppl..i feel better when i c my mum, at least she is thr to help me when im really getting into any troubles..i miss my gd frend whom i can tok abt everything regardless family, r/ns, gossiping..i misses my partner even though as and when he is nw with me, juz needed him by my side..but i noe it's not possible for sometime..at times,im really sorry for not be by your side, for jumping into a r/ns with u..but when fate is here, nth can be stopped..i juz pray hard for everything to go smoothly, even though i noe it'll be tough..nth is easy in this world if u wan to achieve in life..