missing..

such a long time since i tok to jason..wondering how has he been,kinda miss him,my small brother..anyway hope everything is fine for him..hehe,missing so many ppl,my frends esp,cant wait to c them..but i shall endure my hard period nw,dieting and sch work..haha sibei sian..but wat to do,life goes on rite..prepare for the hardship nw,soon i will enjoy my sweetness of life..anyway feel happy for my sis too,finally rom and soon to start a family..2007 is the period whr i c so much changes, but i understand 1 thing for sure is not to make any wrong judgement on guys and nv be the victim to get hurt anymore..ppl always say to forgive and forget, i tried,but not at this moment, sad to say tat..i feel tat if u did sumthing wrong, learn frm the mistake and repent, not juz making the same mistake over and over again and eventually regret and confessing to ppl tat u feel sorry for the other person,but wat is the pt,u alr done it..learn frm mistakes & dun repeat history anymore..

time waits for no man..

hmm juz a few days din update blog, aiyo..anyway thanz cheryl for being thr for me ya..hehe, i think i shd be better alr..think very clearly alr, im not going to follow my old footstep and be devoted to a person anymore..watever comes, i will juz accept it, im not going to be sad nor emo anymore..stay strong rite, my dear frend..anyway haf been bz with presentations, nv ending preparation..hehe..sian..i hate referencing, takes up my time though..i haf another 3 projects, and everything will end by 15 oct..gosh, rushing and competing for time nw..another mth to go, tat is like so fast..hehe..

din realise tat today is mooncake festival until my mum msg me..oh ya,great, like wat is the point of telling me..wan me to haf a big feast, carrying lanterns ard or wat..celebrating everything alone is alr pathetic, being alone is alr pathetic, carrying all the pains is alr pathetic, doing assignments is alr pathetic, eating veges is alr pathetic, working part-time is alr pathetic, enduring with the cold is alr pathetic, thinking too much is alr pathetic, hating sum1 is alr pathetic, having a 3rd party is alr pathetic, being a 3rd party is oso pathetic, spending the whole day doing assignment is alr pathetic, missing my mum is alr pathetic, missing my frends is alr pathetic, missing him is alr pathetic, y r u still revolving ard in my life.. wat the hell..i hate my mind, i hate to slp, i hate to be quiet, i hate to think..i hate everything include myself..

安靜

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
睡著的大提琴
安靜的舊舊的
我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道
你沒有捨不得
你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開
你要我說多難堪
我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份
包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多
我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開
我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份
安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你

on a rainy night..

his ringtone we belong together on his sony ericsson hp, i simply miss him..lying on the bed, hearing the raindrops, couldnt slp..practically tired, trying to close my eyes, no way, cant slp..mind wandering ard..staring into space..is this how am i suppose to lead my bloody life..god pls be thr for me, pull me out frm the misery and pains..

save me

sad, lost, cry, i dunno how to handle this..

hate it..

argh, i feel like scolding this f word..super pek cheh, stupid presentation, no info for it, how to even start..wth..so much problems, so much work, so much to stress..i hate oct period, projects dueing, exams coming..im so slack this sem..it is either hate or love it for nw..shit..

thinking about the past..

y do ppl when they haf nth better to do, their mind start wandering ard...i hate this feeling..lying comfortably on the bed & think alot..thinking of my poly days, i kinda miss ngee ann poly..den thought abt my 1st yr, always skipping classes & slacking in mcdonalds..sudd miss the bunch of tb22 classmates..my 3rd yr last sem exam period was probably the best moment..sum1 came over in the midnite and accompany me while i was studying..eating the cheesecake i bought frm secret recipe and watching soccer match..his favourite latte, love seeing him drinking it..the reason i love starbucks and coffeebean is sumhow tat is where we 1st met, whr we got the location wrong..1 jan a day to rmb, 6 jan the official date to rmb..it hurts when i miss u..

silent prayers..

a decision was made for me to go back on the 10 nov, hmm & i book my ticket which is a midnite flight & i juz sincerly pray that my exams do not fall on the fri or sat..let me juz go bck peacefully for my dearest sis wedding..though abit relunctant to go bck, but wat to do, my 1 and only sis, haf to be thr to witness her happiness, to share the joy with her..cheryl, i insist u come for the wedding ok, let me spend some time with u..miss u alot babe..

confused..

so much to do, yet dunno whr to start..

friendster out..

stop browsing frendster & is gd to noe less frm nw on..watever it is, i dun care abt it anymore, im dead..i wan to reborn as a new angeline lim, cheerful, dun gif a damn abt the entire world..

be myself..

i can be sad for nw but not forever..move on..decisions lies in my hand..

sleeping pills..

does sleeping pills really help a person to sleep peacefully..i nd it, i couldnt slp well these few days..peter, if any chance u haf it, gif me..it will greatly help me, or if not can purchase it frm whr?pharmacy? am i like going nuts??

support and encouragement

totally lost in direction, thinking alot..for peter, i bet u r reading my blog nw, thanz for supporting me & toking to me on the phone for juz awhile..i appreciate tat alot..

betrayed..

i felt so betrayed..found some pics on frendster, makes me feel so sad & angry..no wonder u r cold towards me, thanz alot for your coldness..u make me noe wat to do nw..maybe u r more happier with the other party, well i dun c the point to compare at all..she probably has everything for u..the fact tat i lose to her is cuz of my presence, but is nw only a few mths..but is alrite for nw..

alone at hme..peace

some things juz nd to be let go, if u dun try letting it go, u wouldnt noe how it feels..yest my frend was telling me the feeling of cutting your wrist, perhaps he haf alr try it b4, well let me experience it & i shall c wht the feeling is wat he has describe to me.. seriously if i haf the courage, no problem jumping down frm the building, once & for all, agree rite..the pain is juz for a few seconds and thr u go lying thr sleeping in peace..no worries, juz let it go peacefully..if u noe tat u haf not cherish a person much, frm nw on learn to treasure him/her, or else u will regret when he/she is gone..care, love, support, lending her a listening ear is all she nds nw..nw i really understand y ppl who haf study over in perth for a yr plus wouldnt feel like going bck to their own country,well i think i do haf this feeling too..thr is juz too much freedom over here, no parents ctrl, juz haf to worry abt my own life over here..though thr r many obstacles that i ought to face it myself, but i realise i haf learn to be more independent & mature..

the end of the world..

today was standing outside of my hse, looking at the cars & ppl passing by..i was thinking of getting a knife and cut myself..a very strong urge to do tat, but whr is my courage..im so tired..coping with working, projects, presentations preparation..loads..i wan to end it..could i do tat..

gym-ing

went for gym today, seems to be a few yrs since i last visit the gym..rmb the last time i visit the gym was hmm, during my primary sch days..a trainer was thr to guide both my sis & i, and well at tat time i use to hate the trainer..today when i went for gym, it was a streneous exercise, im so tired & wasnt in an appetite to even eat..well, got to wake up early tml at 8am for my 2nd gyming session..tired & off to bed..

starbucks

browsing thru starbucks website, thinking of doing sb for my marketing plan..i miss the coffee thr, too bad perth doesnt haf any sb outlet, or else i be spotted slacking thr everyday..wow, realise tat sb seems to haf introduce many new coffees, latte esp izzit??anyway was looking at some irrelevant research abt the nutritional info, but den realise tat though u order nonfat milk,but the sugar level is still high..so anyway is still fattening..but to conclude, if u r a coffee lover, den dun bother looking at the nutrional info esp for those who r on diet..

realization..

im like so addicted to blogging..write down all my feelings & thoughts,watever is bothering me..
well, this morning b4 i went to work, kinda miss my grandma & gave her a call..told her i fell down, & while toking to her, i realise i was crying.. gers r emotional creatures, y cant we juz ctrl our tears.. im a weak & emotional person n cry easily..
i simply love this song by babyface-everytime i close my eyes..last time i always feel oldies arent tat nice to listen & always wonder how come he love it so much..and nw i realize tat the lyrics in oldies r more meaningful..
as for my bad fall, my knees r watery & cover with blood & jeans stain with blood..watever alr..blame myself for being clumsy..

moody..

in a moody state..nobody cares..

ifs..

a sat nite, planning to start on my project, but couldnt stand all the thinkings & painfulness, so decided to join my frend for steamboat session.. haf a great fun at least for tat moment to stop thinking abt the heavy work loads n enjoy myself thruout the nite.. & found a poster abt IFs..a strong urge to juz tear it down n place in my rm..since i haf many neverending ifs..wish sumone could juz gif me some care for nw..

ouch..

went for a jog & all of a sudden, sumone fell down..guess who is the person??indeed the clumsy person is me..tears in my eyes the moment i stand up, slowly limp back hme..blood on my knees and both palms, altogether covering with 5 handyplast.. perhaps it has been a few yrs since i fell down & i guess this is the most serious.. rmb the days when i fell down, the 1st person who will be thr for me is my grandma..i reach hme n call to my grandma, aft showering, she will be the one to clean up my wounds n console me when im in pain..i feel so warmth..but this time round, when i open the door, all i see was an empty hse, walk into the bathrm, took a shower & clean my wounds n tears were in my eyes, it was painful.. all i did was, i told myself:u nd to be strong, your parents send u here is to let u be more independent, u can do it,this is really nth..i haf to take care of myself, im alr a grown up..though is pain, all i nd is to withstand it..but deep in my heart, i feel like going back hme, i miss the warm & caring shelter..i miss my dearest..

exhausted

two words to describe my feelings for now, tired & lost..angeline nds a hug..

goals?achievable?

the 1 wk semseter break is officially here.. is not the moment to enjoy, but to get down to work..4 presentations coming along right aft the break..toking abt presentations, well im not a gd presenter & my heart beats super fast like a shotgun and thr goes my stammering & lost in words..
finally, my decision for my marketing plan is on nike & my frend on adidas, we shall work hand in hand, n get it done once & for all..hopefully i haf make the right choice & pray hard tat everything is on the right track to attain an excellent mark..my other goal for the break is to get on a hardcore diet which i haf been doing for like 2 wks, gosh it makes me feel so hungry in the middle of the nite esp with the cold weather..ppl eat more to gif them warmth, i starve to make myself colder..

lonely night thoughts..

playing bejeweled, listening to songs, many memories spining in my head, thinking abt the times when i was with u..i miss the hugs.. if only nw i can satisfy all your wants, regardless u wan eat ice-cream, i eat with u, u wan drink coffee, i drink with u, u wan wash clothes, i help u wash, u wan go out, i go with u, u wan drink liquor, i drink with u, u wan watch movies, i watch with u, u wan me to be by your side, i wish i could.. if & neverending ifs, if only im thr for u.. nw i can only say time passes fast, im worried with my studies..im stuck..tat is the bad thing to take mkgt & mgmt, ended up with neverending assignments..gosh..

if u r facing with problems or stress level rising up to 100 degrees, hurry hide in your bed, cover yourself with blanket & sleep..angeline way of escapism..

holidaying mood!!!

at last my paper has ended, confidence level drop dramatically, can i pass my paper?god be thr for me..exams ended & here comes my 1 wk holiday..sian, i wish i could juz gif up studying, i hate projects, esp INDIVIDUAL!! Marketing plan, i hate it, i nd some direction to which organization shd i do.. one word, LOST!!

today saw a vacancy in a bakery shop hiring casual packers and is like wow midnite job.. i simply love midnite job which starts at 2am, leads me back to my past midnite job in borders.. i guess i shd try it, since the pay will be super high and at the same time can save $ for hk trip nx yr...looking forward to holidays..

emotional??

feeling emo, listen to this 2 songs: so sick of love songs & stick with you..my favourite..

understanding and trust

a gloomy day..y is everyday gloomy?due to the weather perhaps,cold weather makes a person feel sad and depressed..finally i receive a call frm my mum and all she insist that i attend the wedding,but how?is during my exam period and they r not understandable enough and she even wanted to change to oct and request that i come bck for 2 days..but oct and nov r the critical period,projects due, exams coming..i nd alot of preparation..projects r the major ones in order to pass all my units.. argh,i juz feel like shouting..hmm, perhaps i get drunk & forget it for a short moment??

trust?seriously i nd more trust frm u, stop hiding things behind my back..watever u do, juz be truthful to me, i will forgive & forget..how r u going to settle everything when i come bck??haf u ever thought of it..

all angeline nds nw is sum1 to be by herside, tok & cheer her up.. i miss my dearest cheryl, if only she is here nw..

breather..

if ever feel down, the only way is to grab your ipod, wear your jogging shoes and go for a jog..

short period of changes..

my 1st time of blogging..sounds interesting..but i guess this is the only way to communicate out my feelings and thoughts..a bad day to start with, had my consumer behaviour exam & totally flunked it, qns asking abt video clip, din attend lecture so obviously couldnt ans it..who to blame but me!!!

in perth for juz 7 mths & many changes back home..realising that im drifting apart with my family members,wat is happening back home, nobody seems to be telling me,juz cuz im far apart..anyway im treated as an invisible person..my sis is getting married in nov,but her plannings for the marriage,no1 seems to be telling me..and the only piece of info is her wedding will be set on 10 nov, which is during my exam period..i wish i could attend, my only sis getting married,but wat did i tell her: u go ahead with your plans, no nd to bother abt me..i shall go ahead with my plans by coming bck in mid dec..i noe she couldnt wait till dec,cheryl u shd noe the reason rite..

nx yr, i be expecting a new member in my family..wat r the plannings for nx yr??everything nds planning,time passes fast..afraid to c all the changes by d end of the yr when i return hme..will i c changes in my frends, my family members, ivan?? looking forward to go back, missing every1 greatly..