alone..

when u needed some1 to tok to you, i just couldnt find 1 at all..is either busy doing stuff or haf this and tat..i rather not find any1 to tok at all..who would even understand me at all, i rather understand myself..problems r always faced by yourself, no1 can help at all..i really couldnt take it anymore, i wanted to explode sooner or ltr..who understands at all..Nobody..

sudden missing..

i suddenly miss timmy, how i wish he is now with me to face all my problems..i nd a hug frm him, i nd some1 to tok to me, however, he is working and i have to be all alone, thinking too much..dearest, missing u too much..

sudden rain..

suddenly rain in the nite at 9 plus, does this represent my feelings, crying out loud inside my heart..facing difficulties at work, hate this work to the core..just started work, however, a decision has been facing me, shd i ever gif up this job..shd i even start looking for a job..work permit, cuz im holding this, everything is so messy..facing lots of problems, feeling stress, no way to run away from reality..

work..

work doesnt seems to go smoothly for me..realising tat i dun seem to like my job at all, sales, tough job..when can i see figures,im getting worried everyday..it seems so tedious and stressful each day i go to work..i really dunno how long can i continue for this job..im dragging myself to work every day, im just so tired and panic..work does seem tougher than studying, nw i understand y many ppl say they prefer to study rather than work.. sumhow during the nites, i start to miss my rented apartment in perth, there use to be no stress but freedom..nobody to bother you at all, just me alone, freedom to do wat i want..at nite, at least, there is some1 to accompany me, however, nw back in jb, im all alone..mum always out, sis got her hubby and kid..however, im just all alone..go out also nowhere to go but rather stay at hme and rest..life, i really do not know the definition of it..dear, use to ask me what do i understand the meaning of life, but nevertheless, i know that i am speechless, i dont even know the answer..

obssessed..

i guess im nw getting so obssessed with Janice..her songs r super nice and sad..therefore, if you are in an emotional state, listen to her songs..plus she is pretty as well, no wonder my dearest is so obssessed with her..lol..i miss u always dearest..

life..

early morning wake up and here im in office..i nd a bed badly to haf a nice slp..thinking of the no of wks and just hope time passes by fast, at least for once, i needed to c him badly..i just pray hard tat thr will be sales coming in january at least, so that i can go off happily to enjoy my holidays in perth with him.. i misses perth alot, who dont want to settle down in a plc whr the life is so peaceful and relaxing..i also yearn for tat moment, but just facing too much obstacles..i dun even noe how to overcome everything, i only rmb sumthing, life is short, therefore we must live to the fullest..but im glad tat at least, he is thr to support me, to help me, at least thr is a guy who is really willing to do lots of things for me..thanks for everything, i can say so..

bored..

im just bored to the max..nth much to do in office, which makes my mind start to wander ard..din haf gd sleep recently, worrying too much..yeah perhaps is a gd thing tat my mum say i shdnt think so much, but just let it be..everything is just fated.. mum told me to take it easy, is true..i rather not do anything, but just let things run smoothly, wat is mine is meant to be mine..sometimes is juz nice hearing mum's advices, aft all, she has gone thru the period and i always believe my mum's judgement in everything..she's always accurate, lol, how i wish she can predict my future.. however, for nw, i just want to be happy, nv let other things overwhelm my mood, my happiness.. i love him, therefore, i believe everything will be alrite, i trust him and i dont want to give him so much things to worry abt me..he has his job to worry abt,he has his financial to worry abt, and i understand that a guy shd always plan their financial ahead of time in order to lead a better life in future..i saluate him alot, he always plan for the future..when young, start saving up money and in future, perhaps he will be leading a gd life..i believe, really everything muz start frm young and thus this will become a habit..this is something to admire, how i wish i can learn frm him, therefore, dear i muz haf some encouragement from you, that is start saving up money..

being sensitive

i juz need a break from everything..stress with work, stress with r/ns..y am i such a failure when handling with small issues..y am i so sensitive and thinking alot when he is out all day..i misses him way too much, just needed to c him online and at least accompanying me a while, without doing anything..however, my realisation for him was, when he's online, he's simply either busy browsing website or else not paying attention to me and just ans me a simple ya, yes..i feel tat sumtimes i just needed some1 who could at least gif me some response..im angry tat he doesnt manage his time well, he doesnt keep his promises, y r guys always like this..when say they be back by this time, they fail to keep it..sumtimes im just angry with myself, y muz i flare up with him at all, am i a really bad person..haiz..life really sucks to the max..

a quiet christmas eve nite..

today after work, the queue was long in the custom, waited patiently for the bus, took abt 2 hrs plus for me to reach hme..kinda tired..anyway it seems like a long weekend, as most ppl will be taking leave since it is the year end..din do anything during christmas eve, but stay hme and sat downstairs chatting with mum and playing with bb..toking to mum abt all my complaints and she sat thr listening to me as well as providing advices for me..sometimes i simply noe how to settle it, juz tat perhaps im indecisive, never want to regret in all my decisions..i just feel so confused, so messy, so tired, i juz want to stop thinking abt stuff tat really bothers me so much..

grateful..

pathetic christmas eve, got to work full day ..most companies r having half day leave, in fact, thr r also nth much to do in the office since is coming to the end of December..im so bored and is like christmas eve, no plans, but anyway, i will only wish to stay hme and rest during the holidays.. everyday rushing to work, it seems so hectic for me..everyday seems to be very tension when travelling to work, at work haf to think of the sales, whr shd i target or get the sales frm or to chase ppl etc.. thr r juz too much problems..yeah working doesnt seem to haf life, dun even want to go out aft work, rather stay at hme and make full use of the resting time.. sumtimes i feel tat i shd appreciate for wat my mum does for me, waking up early to send me to custom and pick my sis and i after work, however, sometimes i still show face to her..i feel guility abt it..and this morning, it was raining, she knew i din bring small umbrella, therefore, she search for an enevelop to let me cover my head, so that i wun get wet..but at least sumthing..she really take gd care of both of us, im grateful for wat she has done..im very touched, when meeting problems, she will be thr to at least listen and offer me advice..therefore, i always listen to all her advices, since she has been through alot..thanks mum..

life..

it has been a mth plus since i have been working, however, the stressful and tiring working lifestyle is kind of hard for me to adapt..everyday it seems to be a worry day, whether thr will be sales coming in, if there is enquiries i wouldnt feel tat scare..however, sumtimes when u enter the office, sumhow thr's no mails inside..and tat is when i nd to find the leads to continue on with competitive environment..no sales can be dangerous, anytime u'll be kick out of the working plc..sales job sumtimes could be the 1st step to enter the working environment, it teaches you how to be competitive and the capability to handle stress..if the next time, when i start another brand new job, i guess it'll be easier for me to adapt to it..life hasnt been gd, i feel tat, for my age, it seems tat my mum is still manipulating my life, telling me wat to do..come on, i'm already a grown up, and i realise tat im not listening to wat she says..i feel tat they r just selfish, this is my life, my own future.. i also discover tat, im getting suspicious and sensitive over my r/ns, perhaps it has got to do with my past r/ns..being cheated behind my back, therefore, since i haf alr gone thru the mistake, if ever, cheating happens again, thr's no more chance and begging..i always believe that if a person has the history of cheating behind their gf, even if a chance is given, they still will not change..ldr it is always the trust word tat's revolving in the r/ns..sumtimes im juz not confident with myself, if i c sum1 who's prettier than me, lol..i guess tis's every ger's mentality..