alone..

when u needed some1 to tok to you, i just couldnt find 1 at all..is either busy doing stuff or haf this and tat..i rather not find any1 to tok at all..who would even understand me at all, i rather understand myself..problems r always faced by yourself, no1 can help at all..i really couldnt take it anymore, i wanted to explode sooner or ltr..who understands at all..Nobody..

sudden missing..

i suddenly miss timmy, how i wish he is now with me to face all my problems..i nd a hug frm him, i nd some1 to tok to me, however, he is working and i have to be all alone, thinking too much..dearest, missing u too much..

sudden rain..

suddenly rain in the nite at 9 plus, does this represent my feelings, crying out loud inside my heart..facing difficulties at work, hate this work to the core..just started work, however, a decision has been facing me, shd i ever gif up this job..shd i even start looking for a job..work permit, cuz im holding this, everything is so messy..facing lots of problems, feeling stress, no way to run away from reality..

work..

work doesnt seems to go smoothly for me..realising tat i dun seem to like my job at all, sales, tough job..when can i see figures,im getting worried everyday..it seems so tedious and stressful each day i go to work..i really dunno how long can i continue for this job..im dragging myself to work every day, im just so tired and panic..work does seem tougher than studying, nw i understand y many ppl say they prefer to study rather than work.. sumhow during the nites, i start to miss my rented apartment in perth, there use to be no stress but freedom..nobody to bother you at all, just me alone, freedom to do wat i want..at nite, at least, there is some1 to accompany me, however, nw back in jb, im all alone..mum always out, sis got her hubby and kid..however, im just all alone..go out also nowhere to go but rather stay at hme and rest..life, i really do not know the definition of it..dear, use to ask me what do i understand the meaning of life, but nevertheless, i know that i am speechless, i dont even know the answer..

obssessed..

i guess im nw getting so obssessed with Janice..her songs r super nice and sad..therefore, if you are in an emotional state, listen to her songs..plus she is pretty as well, no wonder my dearest is so obssessed with her..lol..i miss u always dearest..

life..

early morning wake up and here im in office..i nd a bed badly to haf a nice slp..thinking of the no of wks and just hope time passes by fast, at least for once, i needed to c him badly..i just pray hard tat thr will be sales coming in january at least, so that i can go off happily to enjoy my holidays in perth with him.. i misses perth alot, who dont want to settle down in a plc whr the life is so peaceful and relaxing..i also yearn for tat moment, but just facing too much obstacles..i dun even noe how to overcome everything, i only rmb sumthing, life is short, therefore we must live to the fullest..but im glad tat at least, he is thr to support me, to help me, at least thr is a guy who is really willing to do lots of things for me..thanks for everything, i can say so..

bored..

im just bored to the max..nth much to do in office, which makes my mind start to wander ard..din haf gd sleep recently, worrying too much..yeah perhaps is a gd thing tat my mum say i shdnt think so much, but just let it be..everything is just fated.. mum told me to take it easy, is true..i rather not do anything, but just let things run smoothly, wat is mine is meant to be mine..sometimes is juz nice hearing mum's advices, aft all, she has gone thru the period and i always believe my mum's judgement in everything..she's always accurate, lol, how i wish she can predict my future.. however, for nw, i just want to be happy, nv let other things overwhelm my mood, my happiness.. i love him, therefore, i believe everything will be alrite, i trust him and i dont want to give him so much things to worry abt me..he has his job to worry abt,he has his financial to worry abt, and i understand that a guy shd always plan their financial ahead of time in order to lead a better life in future..i saluate him alot, he always plan for the future..when young, start saving up money and in future, perhaps he will be leading a gd life..i believe, really everything muz start frm young and thus this will become a habit..this is something to admire, how i wish i can learn frm him, therefore, dear i muz haf some encouragement from you, that is start saving up money..

being sensitive

i juz need a break from everything..stress with work, stress with r/ns..y am i such a failure when handling with small issues..y am i so sensitive and thinking alot when he is out all day..i misses him way too much, just needed to c him online and at least accompanying me a while, without doing anything..however, my realisation for him was, when he's online, he's simply either busy browsing website or else not paying attention to me and just ans me a simple ya, yes..i feel tat sumtimes i just needed some1 who could at least gif me some response..im angry tat he doesnt manage his time well, he doesnt keep his promises, y r guys always like this..when say they be back by this time, they fail to keep it..sumtimes im just angry with myself, y muz i flare up with him at all, am i a really bad person..haiz..life really sucks to the max..

a quiet christmas eve nite..

today after work, the queue was long in the custom, waited patiently for the bus, took abt 2 hrs plus for me to reach hme..kinda tired..anyway it seems like a long weekend, as most ppl will be taking leave since it is the year end..din do anything during christmas eve, but stay hme and sat downstairs chatting with mum and playing with bb..toking to mum abt all my complaints and she sat thr listening to me as well as providing advices for me..sometimes i simply noe how to settle it, juz tat perhaps im indecisive, never want to regret in all my decisions..i just feel so confused, so messy, so tired, i juz want to stop thinking abt stuff tat really bothers me so much..

grateful..

pathetic christmas eve, got to work full day ..most companies r having half day leave, in fact, thr r also nth much to do in the office since is coming to the end of December..im so bored and is like christmas eve, no plans, but anyway, i will only wish to stay hme and rest during the holidays.. everyday rushing to work, it seems so hectic for me..everyday seems to be very tension when travelling to work, at work haf to think of the sales, whr shd i target or get the sales frm or to chase ppl etc.. thr r juz too much problems..yeah working doesnt seem to haf life, dun even want to go out aft work, rather stay at hme and make full use of the resting time.. sumtimes i feel tat i shd appreciate for wat my mum does for me, waking up early to send me to custom and pick my sis and i after work, however, sometimes i still show face to her..i feel guility abt it..and this morning, it was raining, she knew i din bring small umbrella, therefore, she search for an enevelop to let me cover my head, so that i wun get wet..but at least sumthing..she really take gd care of both of us, im grateful for wat she has done..im very touched, when meeting problems, she will be thr to at least listen and offer me advice..therefore, i always listen to all her advices, since she has been through alot..thanks mum..

life..

it has been a mth plus since i have been working, however, the stressful and tiring working lifestyle is kind of hard for me to adapt..everyday it seems to be a worry day, whether thr will be sales coming in, if there is enquiries i wouldnt feel tat scare..however, sumtimes when u enter the office, sumhow thr's no mails inside..and tat is when i nd to find the leads to continue on with competitive environment..no sales can be dangerous, anytime u'll be kick out of the working plc..sales job sumtimes could be the 1st step to enter the working environment, it teaches you how to be competitive and the capability to handle stress..if the next time, when i start another brand new job, i guess it'll be easier for me to adapt to it..life hasnt been gd, i feel tat, for my age, it seems tat my mum is still manipulating my life, telling me wat to do..come on, i'm already a grown up, and i realise tat im not listening to wat she says..i feel tat they r just selfish, this is my life, my own future.. i also discover tat, im getting suspicious and sensitive over my r/ns, perhaps it has got to do with my past r/ns..being cheated behind my back, therefore, since i haf alr gone thru the mistake, if ever, cheating happens again, thr's no more chance and begging..i always believe that if a person has the history of cheating behind their gf, even if a chance is given, they still will not change..ldr it is always the trust word tat's revolving in the r/ns..sumtimes im juz not confident with myself, if i c sum1 who's prettier than me, lol..i guess tis's every ger's mentality..

missing perth and only u..

it seems like a mth i havent even update my blog already..well, i haf started working already, as a sales person..i can say is not a very honoured job to mention abt at all..finally i understand the difficulty of those ppl working as a sales person.. everyday locating for ppl in order to boost the sales figure..the toughness and stressful job that sumtimes makes me dun even feel like going to work..but sumtimes when thr's sales u tend to feel so joyful abt it..looking at your own colleagues having such a high figure for their sales, i tend to envy them..sumtimes it seems like a dream to me, going to perth to study and den haf to come back to sg to work.. i simply miss perth alot, i miss the studying days, i miss the environment, i miss the weather, i miss my old place and of cuz i miss him the most.. though we quarrel alot sumtimes due to the ldr, however, is a blessing at times tat we'r able to make things work out..in a ldr, all you haf to do is to gif and take at times and always be patient..i realise that any 1 of us flare up, the other partner has to learn to be patient and calm, to make the r/ns move onto the right track.. realising tat my workplace r all married or already on the verge to get married, which oso makes me feel like getting marrying as well..lol, but yet im still young and well, no financial stability yet, still haf the urge to even think of getting married..but gers to a certain age will tend to feel like settling down.. but everything has to wait and c wht my r/ns is on the right path and if everything goes well between both of us..but of cuz if possible, i would of cuz want him to be the ideal 1 for me.. i simply miss him to the core, every single day..

tired..

thr he goes slping and me crying softly, tears dripping, how can it be so bad..i noe im really sorry for him, for keeping him waiting, but the way when he get agitated over me for staying in sg to work, i really dunno wat shd i do..im juz so tired of him being like this to me, ppl patience's, thr is a limit for it..i really dunno wht i can ctrl my patience at all, im very tired over it..ldr, these r all the problems tat cropped up..sumtimes he could be happy when he tok to me, and sumtimes when he thought abt me working in sg, he start to change his mood..i really dunno how to handle ppl mood swing..im juz very tired

worthless..

yes all alone, i really dunno wat status am i wherever i go, wat status im when i start work, wat status am i even at hme..im juz sick of staying at hme, im so bored..the only thing tat my status at hme perhaps is to be a driver, to look aft the maid, to help out with random stuff, im not trying to complain, but juz cuz i dun go out, do i even haf to do all these..and plus im being accused for causing the baby to cry last nite juz cuz the maid told my mum tat i scold the bb to drink milk, but i din even do tat, y am i fucking haf to be accused for this..is only a small matter, but i juz hate the feeling of being scolded as though im the fierce person who always scold the bb..my mum came and confront me and ask me not to do tat, fucking shit, since when did i ever do tat..ok since she treated me as the so called "bad" person, i no longer haf to bother so much alr..im being the gd person and kind person, help every1 to pick up the bb, and im being treated as the bad person..y am i fucking being accused for things i nv do at all, y muz i being treated like this..y am i always the bad person..y? i really dun understand, in their heart, is my status tat bad..i really no longer feel like even staying at hme, i hate to tok to every1 at hme, they r the 1s who r always stopping me frm this and tat, even my future, they also want to bother, if they meant me well, y muz they still bother wat i do nx time, im already old enough to plan for my own future, y muz they step in at all..y cant i even pursue my future..i understand they spend alot of money on studies and im grateful for everything they provide, perhaps im too independent, prefer to be alone, im juz sick of them interfering into my life..im not trying to be a petty person, but think abt how much i help them, and nw i deserve a accusation frm them..im a human being, with feelings, im juz sad, tired and frustrated with life..cuz they nv noe how tired im, the searching of job itself is already giving me problems, the fact of going for interview is already giving me problems, r they going to add on to my problems, and r they going to let me think alot, r they going to forever not cure my heartbeating..i really dun understand..juz dunwan to even interfere in their plans at all, i lead my own life and they life their own life..i support and provide myself with encouragement, is fine with me, decisions always lies in me..

the missing feelings..

realising tat i miss u dearest alot..everyday the kind of missing feelings, even if 1 day i ever started any jobs, i believe my life will always haf the missing feelings in my heart..feelings for u wun change, hopefully u'll understand tat..and i hope to always receive your support for me, when im facing any problems, i hope u'll always stand by my side and tell me, dear, take it easy, life is full of challenges, u surely can overcome..i noe u'll always be thr for me and i pray tat u'll be patient enough to wait for me..both of us will work hard in the meantime and we can see sweetness soon..and of cuz not to forget cheryl, miss u lots, havent seen u for a mth plus alr and usually only haf short toks with u..anyway dun worry, u r not forgotten..frends and lovers are not to be forgotten, both of u will always be in my heart, miss u dearest and my best frend..

status?

im so irritated, y am i not given the chance to even step out my 1st stone..i hate life..i hate the obstacles tat r stopping me frm everything, y muz i face it..cuz wherever i go, im juz simply new to everything..im juz a foreigner who doesnt haf any pr status, tat's y i noe tat no matter whr u intend to stay on for the rest of your life, pr is impt..if i haf pr, i wouldnt even haf to worry abt getting any jobs..and my passport pages r going to finish soon..is this sort of my bad luck for this yr..im juz sick and tired..irritated..

october..

is already october..realising tat i havent been updating my blog recently, simply bz searching for jobs every single moment i haf..time is running fast, is coming to the end of the yr soon..i noe im simply going crazy, getting impatient, getting frustrated..support-no more support, i rely on myself..watever decisions i make, i juz simply decide on myself..yeah decisions always lie on my hands, watever i make, i cannot regret, cuz this is the route i haf make, nobody can be blame..want to blame, everything will be my fault..watever i haf done wrong, i can juz apologise, to me, apologise is already nth, i can gif up all my pride, i can say sorry all the time to frends, to ppl who r close to me, to my parents, to whoever..im no longer strong anymore, no longer positive, i dun nd ppl to console me, cuz im sick of the same sentences ppl who trying to provide advice to me..tears r common to me, crying every nite, in order to slp, worried, heartpain, watever, i juz cried..cuz im juz an emotional person..im going into the crazy world, i make sure tat i will accept any jobs that come along, money of cuz in this world everybody needed, i make sure i earn alot..no matter how tough the route i haf chosen, i will bear with it till the end, i will earn alot, i will provide watever i owe, i will provide a gd life, i will provide everything..i will make sure i make myself work very very hard, nv think abt anything, i will make sure my life revolve with more money, with everything tat i can provide..im already crazy enough, i dun even noe wat am i thinking, but since this is wat i chose, i will move on to the end..i will support and encourage myself, i really dunno wat am i doing..i really dunno..

patient..

i dunno how long u can be patient enough, hopefully u r not giving up nor being impatient abt this r/ns..sumtimes when a person couldnt stand it, they simply dun even noe wat they'r toking abt, till when 1 day they sit down and realise tat they r making a big mistake..i hope u r not 1 of the person..trying to make myself a patient person ever since i came back..be patient, only can i achieve..job searching is tough no matter whr am i..even if i haf alr gotten a job, but well, thr is still some admin work for me to do..i noe regardless which plc im working at, is still the same..anyway juz bless myself, hopefully everything goes smoothly..lastly, i miss u greatly..

feeling guilty..

each time i think of my dear, i feel so guilty, y..im still blaming myself for juz leaving him thr alone..thinking that nobody accompany him to eat or slp..nobody waiting for him to come hme, but i juz hope tat he'll soon get use to this kind of lifestyle..but nevertheless though is an ldr, but i believe in myself tat it's workable..making sure tat he online everyday, seeing him, ensuring tat he's eating all his proper meals..though ldr, but im sure tat i haf the capability to take care of him by only communicating with him..ensuring him not to skip meals, perhaps im becoming more like an auntie, but dear, sorry this's wat i am..nobody to take care of him, therefore, as a gf, i haf to try my best to be fierce at him at times..yeah ldr at times r tough, but never say gif up, everything'll go smoothly..once again, awaiting for his pr status, another 2 mths plus to go, soon..awaiting for his big smile on his face..god'll bless him..and study hard 2 mths, is fast alrite.. i miss u dearly..

shopping for working clothes..

realising tat i couldnt accept the fact tat im actually looking for working clothes nw..usually i'll pop by into those shops selling casual wear, nevertheless today seems weird enough tat im looking at the shops tat usually working adults r entering into..it seems difficult to even find a nice working clothes..esp the top is the hardest of all, and i believe wat my mum says, top is more difficult to find than bottom..b4 start work, it's a definite to splurge on working clothes..realising tat perth already difficult to find but den sg is also equally the same..y am i preparing for clothes when i dun even haf any interview successfully approved..sigh, life sucks for nw, but i shall take it slowly, i believe in luck and miracles at times..

6th day

i haf already left u for the 6 days, time really passes fast, a week has already gone..this yr really pass very fast perhaps, cuz every single day in perth seems to be my happiest memories..but everything is a blessing for me, since i haf got him..therefore really hope tat nth will change for both of us..but i believe to monitor a person isnt going to be difficult task, juz communicate every single day and noe wat the other party is doing, everything'll juz go smoothly..glad tat every nite we do tok on msn, at least i noe tat he doesnt go anywhr but only to spend time online with me..at least is gd tat he doesnt really haf outside entertainment but only revolving with his work and studies..im getting sad each time, pressurizing myself to find a job..but if i dun look carefully for the job i like it, i guess i'll regret even more..i haf to gif myself a dead line on when exactly shd i be starting a job..if hopefully by this month end or beginning of oct im able to get the job, i be delighted at least, thr is some money coming in soon..dear, i miss u lots, these 3 words..

i miss you..

forgotten to add the 3 words, i miss you once again..

interviews..

well, enough of childish stuff with a small ger, is wasting my time..well today 2 interview hopefully i can comment by saying perhaps it does goes well..but perhaps i could say thr r more opportunities for me to search abt, rather than sticking into juz 2 interviews i went..i think monday would be a day to search for jobs..and i guess im lacking of working clothes, this's bad man..got to think abt wat to wear everyday..but is time to be mature soon..think logically, reasoning, and mature..

privacy requested..

nv in my life haf i ever seen such a person who is intruding into other ppl's r/ns..come on man, cant a ger juz let go a guy and let him lead his new r/ns happily..how could she even haf the authorization to check the guy's email at all, isnt this call privacy being intruded at all..who does she think she belongs to nw, i do get flare up abt this, but is simply too childish enough to even scold a ger who's younger than me.. i tried to protect him, but not myself, juz hate d way she say him..some ppl r juz too free enough to do all these kind of childish stuff, but i dun understand since she has so much nite socialization going on, how can she even bother abt small issue over these..she could ask ppl to grow up by not crying, but i think, she shd juz sit down and think abt who shd be growing up by nw..well, i guess the ans is obvious, she shd be the 1 growing up..i juz wonder how could my guy even go with these ger for a couple of yrs, is simply juz wasting his time..but den i understand fully, when love is thr, it's impossible to escape frm it..i guess i dun even haf the rite to say him, cuz i haf alr experience it once and for all..hopefully, my blog wun be intruded by some ppl who r unwelcome as well..this blog is only meant for ppl who r dearest and closest to me..hopefully my blog isnt search by some unwanted ppl..

straining..

y do i feel so scare to look at or even call my dad..usually when he comes home, i try to hide myself, juz refuse to see him..wat is wrong with me..he is the 1 who pay for all my sch fees and here i am not toking to him..but anyway my r/ns with him has always been straining since when i am young..but anyway this is my own life nw, perhaps nw im living in my own world..well i believe if a person has money with them, they wouldnt be afraid of anything..this is my mentality for nw..and lastly, i miss him, these 3 words will always appear in my blog..

stepping stone??when??

everyday seems a routine for me, wake up, stare at the computer, as usual, the same 3 pages will be displayed..my dearest jobsdb, job street and job central..newspapers, i needed it badly, so dearest cheryl, pls take note ya, leave it for me..job hunting is the worst of all, and once i am off this misery, i be starting my stepping stone soon..im so doubtful, looking forward to it but den at the same time, the devil is telling me to juz rot all the way..but anyway human beings haf to keep their brain functioning, so well, of cuz we nd to 1st study, den only work to survive for the future..and i realise that marriage is again back to my mind, lol, with no financial and i dare dare think abt all these..and gosh, this boy of mine is still young, he has a brighter future awaiting for him, so shall wait ya..and i shall pursue my career..izzit cuz as a person grow older, they tend not to haf any outside entertainment, but im 1 of them..refuse to pull myself out, hiding myself at hme, lol, hopefully wun bring myself to suffering frm depression..lucky thr is still him to tok to me..and i feel tat i din really get to really tok much with my best of frends, if thr's time indeed i will look for my bff..u noe i am referring to u..lol..

enough..

i haf enough searching for jobs, calling up companies, nevertheless, every company seems far for me..so sick and tired of looking for jobs or am i juz escaping from reality..couldnt face the fact that i am entering into the workforce..fear and scarriness, these 2 words r describing my feelings for nw..my mind is all abt doing nth, but well, ppl r difficult to satisfy..when they haf nth better to do, they start complaining, however, when it comes to work and study, they also complain..so is quite tough to describe wat does satisfaction exactly means..i only noe the word dissatisfaction which strongly describes abt my life for the present..im trying to be patient, but anxiousness juz overwhelm me too much..life is sucky at present, but i shall face it by myself..nv cause misery on other ppl, cuz every1 do haf their problems at times..and lastly i miss u these 3 words shall always be remembered to say to him..

i miss you..

i thought i am strong enough, however, nite starts to fall in..my mind is starting to wonder ard, thinking of the happy times when im over thr for holiday..wat will we be doing in the evening, remembering the favourite spot of drinking coffee with him..im starting to feel sad and emotional..he is lost,but, i noe im lost as well..but im juz pretending in front of him, pretend to be strong in front of him.. the whole day searching for jobs, nv rest at all..i feel so scared at times, the working life, how does it look like..seriously needed him by my side, but, i noe i cant be selfish..every1 has to pursue their own life, he shd pursue for his future studying..i haf been telling him to be strong, but wat abt me, am i really strong enough to carry on with myself..r we both simply too attached to each other, r we really still in the honeymoon period..but i only noe tat i cant bear to lose him..the thought of ldr for few yrs seems to be scary for me, wat'll i foreseen nx yr..im getting worried..y does my confidence level keep on falling, wat am i actually afraid of..yes indeed, afraid of losing him..perhaps everything'll be settled once he got his pr, he wouldnt be so depressed leading his life..at least he has a status in aus, sometimes i wish he could start applying nw, to noe wht he be qualify..i'll pray harder for him to stay strong, god will lead to the right path of his life..i pray to god tat he'll bless in our r/ns and at times to forgive and forget..im officially missing him, and tat's y i love tat song..the song is for him..usually i noe tat when im alone at hme, i'll be expecting him to come hme, but nw thr is no more expectation, but me all alone in d room, thinking alot..i feel like crying, and i noe i needed him alot..i really needed him..

holidays ended..

covocation has ended, and another 2 days i will be back in jb..though i haf been slacking for a mth plus, but time really passes so fast..i be facing reality soon, working hard enough to search for a suitable job..once i haf successfully gotten a job, i simply noe the journey of working life starts from tat day onwards..and to serve my 3 yrs bond, and i noe it is going to end very fast..everything will be sweet once my bond has ended, to c myself with a happy family, perhaps im too confident in my r/ns, though is too early to say, but i haf faith and trust..i will take care of my r/ns and nv let anything to happen during this 3 yrs..but for nw, im not thinking too much abt it, but im still worrying hunting for jobs..

decisions..

realising that the job market is getting bad in sg, not many jobs are posted on the website..getting worried and impatient..wondering wht im able to get any jobs at all in sg..if only i dun haf the bond in sg, i wouldnt haf to worry so much..i would rather stay in australia and get a higher salary..but to persuade my parents is not an easy job..dad wouldnt even allowed me to do tat..worries are simply never ending..will i even get a job when i get back to sg..will i be able to meet my deadline..im simply getting impatient for nw, frustrated with myself..but wat can i do..im stuck in nowhere..juz a cert, no financial stability, who am i going to rely on..not even my parents, im juz old enough to earn a single cent for myself..

life sucks..

life is juz so sucky when u juz haf to face so much problems in 1 shot..is not juz only the problems that belong to yourself but thr is also your partner's problem to face..everything juz come together when u r juz simply too lost to even find ways to help or consult the other party..sometimes im juz sick of facing this world, waking up everyday, alone, feeling so depressed when the day is such a beautiful day..god teaches us to thank him for the day that he has given me, im trying to make myself be happier each day, i wonder am i juz pretending to be happy at times..am i juz trying to escape everything, am i juz trying to push everything behind and not bother abt it, but in this world, am i even allowed to escape from realism..wat r the ways to make myself feel better, to drink more alcohol and feel better..or even to resort to other danger stuff..i hate to be alone, but i juz refuse to find any1 to tok to, wat am i even trying to do..wat can even satisfy me..im really lost to the max, how can i continue with myself, when i dun even haf any sense of direction..everyday feeling sad and tired..waking up every nw and then, wat is even wrong with my sleeping style..is life tat meaningless..im dun even bother tat i am jobless, but im juz not satisfy with myself..wat am i so gd at telling me wat they shd do, wat kind of route they shd pursue in the future, but y am i so bad at telling myself wat i shd even do nw..i misses all my closest ppl..i feel better when i c my mum, at least she is thr to help me when im really getting into any troubles..i miss my gd frend whom i can tok abt everything regardless family, r/ns, gossiping..i misses my partner even though as and when he is nw with me, juz needed him by my side..but i noe it's not possible for sometime..at times,im really sorry for not be by your side, for jumping into a r/ns with u..but when fate is here, nth can be stopped..i juz pray hard for everything to go smoothly, even though i noe it'll be tough..nth is easy in this world if u wan to achieve in life..

wonders..

sometimes it is sad to c ppl at such a young age they r coping with both studies and work..i realise that he has hardly enough time to even take a rest..waking up early and thr he goes for work again..is his life all abt work and study? sometimes thr seems to be question mark for me, y is he working so hard..izzit for the sake of earning more money or juz for the enjoyment of the work that provides him..or perhaps it is both of the reason..leaving me with another 2 wks which means my holiday is ending soon.. back to reality..anyway rather be working than rotting at home..my wish for nw is to let time pass fast and hopefully soon i be back with him again..perhaps during this period is time for me to train myself to be a more mature person and endure the hardship..to learn to cope once again for ldr..i hope it'll work out as i haf no longer wish to search for other guys anymore..even searching for jobs can be tough, wat abt searching for my future partner..lol..y do i always haf the thoughts of settling down earlier when i dun even haf any financial support for myself..perhaps as gers get older, they tend to worry more about their future and future partner as well..

old blogs..

while i was reading my old blog, i was like how come my blog sound so emotional and feel so disgusted all of a sudden..shdnt i even feel happier nw..but at least i can say tat, im much happier ever since im with him..juz a smile frm him makes my day..i simply miss him every single moment and day..ldr can i ever cope it with all the missing feelings even when im right by his side..my feelings for nw and for him: i realise tat im always the 1 venting on my frustration towards him, without considering his feelings, and thr he goes again, trying to make me happy and finding ways not to see me angry..i feel guilty each time i lost my temper and patience on him..and i realise tat ppl usually regret aft wat they haf done..im only apologetic towards all the anger that i haf vent on him and i noe ppl's patience haf a limit..and i guess i shd be controlling myself.. sometimes i juz wish he could understand something, gers r like this, wat they say something doesnt meant it tat way..perhaps i shd coach him even more to understand abt gers' feelings..lol..

thoughts..

alone..i realise i hate to be alone recently,i hate to eat alone, doing nth alone, izzit cuz im too use with some1 beside me to share everything with me..whenever i c him back home, im glad, at least i wun be alone siting down thr and wait.. it's a lie if i say i wun be bored even he is not beside me, but wat to do, situations forced me to compromise at times.. im beginning to become more understanding, it is alrite to be alone at times, but wat im afraid is, i'll think too much..looking positive, nah, i think im more to the negative side..unwilling to listen to ppl's comments abt me, i get sad easily..unable to help ppl to solve their problems or even lending a helping hand, i feel so useless..recently, seeing u thinking so much, i feel so sad, but wat can i do for u..i agree time is getting short, feelings for me right nw is happy and sad..happy finally can really settle down to look for a job, sad cuz to leave him behind alone to fend for himself..unable to share his happiness, worries and problems together..but in life, i believe that not everything's perfect, the road is always rocky, and when the time is up, the road will be smooth for both of us again..yeah, time is all tat i needed nw..

days outnumbered..

13 days left..days pass so fast, im afraid to face everything alone..long distance and the fear of entering into the working environment..how is everything going to be like..

yet another day..

another day again, nth to do but staring into space..wat's life all abt, izzit to waste all the precious time doing nth..shit!!

tasteless and boredom..

y am i feeling so tasteless these few days, izzit cuz of the overdrinking of alcohol..the feeling of getting high and not even knowing wat i am saying, is indeed great..true feelings and thoughts will only be expressed when i am simply "high" on alcohol.. i can only say every day seems to pass by quickly, but the time when i am alone is definitely slow and taking ages.. the feeling of doing nth and rotting till nw seems so bored for me, and left with 24 days towards returning back to jb..whr the tough period is awaiting for me right at the moment when i m back hme..preparing for the worst, searching for jobs, preparing for interview, travelling to and fro sg, i haf to be mentally prepared to the days when i am studying in sg.. i noe i can do it, i haf been travelling to sg for so many yrs, it doesnt matter for me to lead the hard life..for me, pursuing my career, earning more money is the current situation that i haf been looking forward to..i understand that this's the selfish part of me, perhaps time will be spend less on you, but hopefully u'll understand that these r my 2 goals for this yr..schooling is no longer an existence for me and every1 has to pass by the period when working becomes a life long thingy..with no parents providing u anymore money, but we as the children has to use our both hands to earn money and in return gif them a sum of money every month..i guess this is every1's wish in their life but i am only looking forward to this moment, when can i actually get a job, hopefully asap..i am certain that i haf to start work by sept and nth is going to stop me from doing it.. motivation and support is definitely wat i need by tat time..every1 do go thru tough period but i always believe that we'll taste the sweetness if we achieve something..yeah like wat dear always say, look at the positive side, open up your mind..lol..certainly missing him everyday even though i am here by his side..feelings r simply too strong for him..and also not to forget cheryl, i miss u too, if u r reading my blog, u r not forgotten..

getting worst..

wat shd i do to make myself stop thinking so much..sad and emotional..life's getting meaningless for me, it is somehow pointless for me to carry on..im so tired, sad everyday..think so much..i tried very hard to ctrl myself, but nevertheless, i cant.. i cant make it anymore..hiding myself frm every1, getting frustrated abt myself..useless and useless..

3 days back to perth..

finally going back to perth for a short period..i simply miss the weather thr, at least cold for a mth plus..i hate the hot weather in msia, sticky and sweaty..tat's bad..anyway looking forward to working life as well, after perth, it'll be more to searching for relevant jobs and hurry up start work..getting bored at hme these few days, nth to do, but staring at the tv..nobody to tok with, hiding myself in the rm..mum and sis off to work and im all alone at hme..so bored..im those who hate to do nth, but staring into space all day long..havent been feeling well recently, heart beating extremely fast and i get tired and irritated as well..feeling moody and get emotional lately..maybe im juz thinking alot but im unsure wat am i thinking abt..hopefully back to perth, i can go to church..quite some time havent been to church..

irritated..

with many people walking up and down, doing the construction work, with all the fucking noises,and dust, i feel so pek cheh..juz feel like running out of the hse..and plus nd to do some cleaning up, the hses r juz so fucking dusty..i hate to stay hme for nw, frm nx wk onwards im going to find some activities to do..rather than staying hme being ordered to do this and tat..i can say im simply lazy, but im getting sick of staying hme, facing the tv and lappy..is so fucking boring..yeah i shd ctrl my attitude..

thoughts..

just some thoughts while lying on d bed..i realise i like everything to be fresh..regardless from uni, frends, r/ns..everything seems to go well when it is brand new, i simply love the moment..however as time goes by, everything seems to change..

my aim..

my aim for this week is to send in as many resumes as possible..hopefully i can get a job and start work in september..my 1st interview on wednesday was kinda a gd start, so as the next interview i be more experienced and know how to ans the interviewer in a professional manner..i believe in every interview, the most impt is to possess a confident outlook..wed interview left me speechless at a moment, whr i start to reply by hmm..and i knew this job wouldnt work out for me at all..once the interviewer knew that u r stuttuering which means chances is extremely low..but to encourage myself, thr r always better job opportunities outside and never learn to be demoralised..anyway all d best to me in my nx interview on monday, which is something to do with sales, but den the location is abit far though..leaving with 2 more wks to c u dear, perhaps my last long meeting with u b4 i venture into my career..let me end with 2008 with a gd yr,once and for more, god bless me in watever i do..i believe in u..

pissed..

im going to settle everything once and for all in perth..im not going to haf anything to do with it..i wan to start all over again in sg and fulfill watever plannings i haf thought abt it..each time the mentioning of anything happening in perth, the 1st thing tat comes into my mind is all abt money..fucking not earning any money and all the phone bills, rent, electric, internet bills, im still suppose to pay for everything..fucking nd to get money frm parents, wat a failure daughter they haf..aussie is fucking high and as soon as i get back, i haf to pay all this stuff..i can be thick skin with frends but juz fail to be thick skin with my parents..tired and endless tired to everyday making a din with him..everyday got things to quarrel..i nd a peace of mind at times..patience is not a tolerance for me anymore..

bad week..

wat a bad week..things juz dun work out for me..no company call me for an interview except juz 1 pathetic company and is like so far..2 buses the most i reckon..im not use to taking public transport anymore..so tiring and worst of all is so sweaty..the journey is so far or maybe i simply dunno how to take the short route..but the mrt ride was interesting..able to c different kind of ppl and best of all to c how the gers r dressing nw..i realise tat most of them r indulging into branded bags..the 2 best brands i haf seen..LV and Coach bags that most of the gers r using..well this is the end of the wk, and 2 most bloody things happen to me..1st is for nth, my mum step my handphone and thr is patch of black colour thingy on my screen, which means i cant c half of the msgs..i alr dun feel like wasting the money..i noe the money can be spend on clothings and other necessities..and 2nd thing is for nth, i tumble down from the steps..and bloody tear my butt skin and my knee is bleeding..but lucky only blood on my skin..but den my butt is paining like hell, guess is gonna swollen..big butt..lol..again, i feel so bored at hme, anywhr oso din go..im getting sick and tired of staying hme..SIAN is the word i haf been mentioning ever since i came back..i get very irritated these few days and i tend to flare up with every1..even my mum dun even dare to tok to me, cuz i simply dun ans to her complaints..i juz wan to be alone at times, without any1 mumbling this and tat..alr life is so bored and ppl come and scold u this and tat, i simply juz hate it..i noe i haf nth better to do, but juz ppl if u wan to find ppl to vent on your frustration, dun look for me..cuz i will not entertain anybody..

next step..

results out..and nw alot of nx plannings to be done..first to settle my bond thingy, next is to decide wht to go back to perth early or juz attend for covocation..im in a dilemma, if go back early, i be bored dead..dear will be off to work or schooling and nobody to accompany me..if go back late, at least i can look for job..im juz hanging in btw..so if can, i nd help man..shd i rush to work 1st or shd i juz rest 1st..sian..

sian..

early in d morning.. awake..the fear and panic..watching mtv and staring into space..i super sian, if only thr is some1 to accompany me, would i feel much better..dear, i wish i could juz hug u and i needa your shoulder..missing u at this time of the day..

the deadline..

results r out tml, shit feeling..wat a day, raining since yest nite..rainy days makes a person feel so emotional and depressed..but raining is gd for the car, it need some cleaning up..lol..walking ard at hme as though im so bloody bz..no1 at hme, except me..but is a bonus for me, i can happily smoke outside..im getting so so restless, i hate the feeling of staying hme, staring into the walls, so bored..i nd sum activity..im so doubtful, hate to stay hme but also hate to go out..so wat d hell do i wan at all..life is so meaningless..couldnt understand how can ppl tell me tat slacking is the best moment in life..but to me is juz a waste of time..young ppl shd work hard enough..well back to searching for jobs..life is all abt putting in effort, with effort thr r definitely returns..so im trying to send as many resume as possible, i believe thr is a particular company whom will employ me..god bless me for results tml and job hunting..

results..

results gonna out on nx tue..my fear for it..ppl consoling me, but im the one facing it..im juz too scared to face the truth..juz hope everything turns out well..i pray hard enough..i noe i juz haf to pray very very hard and hoping tat god u will hear my prayers..recently, im so addicted to starbucks and coffee bean coffee..my daily routine is to get a cup everyday and smoke 2 sticks of ciggs..toking abt smoking, haf been cutting down frm juz less than 10 sticks per day..this kinda feeling is so sucky..when i needed smoking, i haf to tolerate..lol..
my feelings for this wk: i feel like a restless, a lost person who dun even noe my direction..i feel as though im a plant who is going to wither soon..ppl say rotting and slacking life is the most enjoyable moment, but i feel so useless, so dead bored everyday..sitting down at the same corner watching tv, this kinda days....when will it going to end..am i suppose to gif myself a deadline b4 really entering into the workforce..Im like so missing him everyday, but nevertheless he is not by my side..i needed a shoulder to lean on and all i noe is i want to run to u asap, juz a simple hug is all tat i needed for nw..my fear is when he started getting bz with work and study, will he simply communicate less with me or will i be forgotten gradually..he assured me, but the fear is still thr..i miss him more than any words i can express..maybe i shd juz find a plc to escape and not stay at hme and think too much..

juz wondering ard..

he left for perth this morning..sad to see him leaving..heart pain to c him all alone in perth..wondering and wondering wht he will get use to his old life being alone..without me by his side..wonder if he will take care of himself..wonder if he will wake up on time..wonder if he will eat and sleep well..wonder if he will be able to make his own decisions..wonder if he will be able to handle all his problems alone..wonder who will be by his side if he is down..will i be able to handle this ldr..i shd be confident enough, for the love tat he shown/proven to me..for how much he love me..i juz hope and pray tat he be able to fulfill all his promises for me even though im not by his side..well..i pray hard for him in watever he does..

back to normal life

my life is still the same..juz feel like being alone..dun feel like toking..getting agitated easily..a little bit of things i can get pissed off for the whole day..im irritated for ppl who make a bit of mistake..irritated for ppl pestering me to do this and tat..irritated for ppl who promise something but do other things..juz fucking leave me alone..im not settled down yet, so juz stop asking me anything abt my life..i be grateful for tat..

lost..

im lost to the max..y am i always in this position..im tired of my life..if only u r here with me..

emptiness..

he has gone hme finally for a short holiday after a yr havent seen his parents..happy for him..my rm is finally empty, with juz 2 of my luggage bags lying on d floor, memories are overwhelming me..happiness and sadness all happen in this rm..laundrobar, the staircase, the seats near the staircase, leave so much memories behind..everything juz started here, esp my strong memories with him..i simply miss him..even for 1 day, i miss him tat bad, my heartbeat is beating fast again juz cuz he isnt by my side..wat will happen when i nd to work in sg for 3 yrs, how am i suppose to ctrl myself..how to bear with it..how and how and endless how..i feel tat this trip back hme is toking all abt $..i nd to settle my rent, nd my mum to buy me an air tix back hme, nd to go for holiday, nd allowances to spend, nd $ when i come bck to perth, everything is all toking abt $..i juz simply wan to work and spend my own $, i feel so useless doing nth at hme, no income coming in..the kind of feeling is juz like sum1 who is waiting for ppl to provide $..my feeling for nw is super depressed, who can understand..i juz feel like being alone, i hate to tok to ppl abt how i feel, cuz no1 will understand.. i fear to go back, the moment i touch down tml, thr is lots of paperwork to be done and all cuz of the 3yrs bond..this is pathetic..who wants to be tied down, i wish to be like a bird who has the freedom to choose wherever they want to go to..im juz like a prisoner, i cant escape frm reality, the road in front of me is full of hurdles and burden..i haf difficulty walking, i might trip down anytime..but shd i be strong enough to handle this, i wish i could..all i needed is support and words of encouragement..

a lie..

is a lie if i say im not sad and neither do i miss u and neither do i think abt wat will happen if u r not beside me..shit i noe i cannot make it, but i haf to be stronger than u..if both of us r weak, we will not survive in this ldr..so i nd to be thr to support u..im the older 1, i nd to protect u..

neverendless thanz..

the more i c u unbearable to leave me, the more i feel pain.. to c u not slping well in d nite, wat am i suppose to do..aft all when i leave, u still haf to face the fact tat im not beside u..if we love each other, we shall wait for each other..like u say time passes very fast, yeah, but everyday will seems to drag for both of us..but well if im serious abt u, i hope u will gif me all the trust and love tat i needed to reassure myself tat u r meant to be my lifetime partner..i love u and thanz for the time tat u haf spend with me, i cherish it very much..thanz for pulling me up with your lovely smile with all the rubbish tat i haf been facing for the past few mths..thanz for spending so much effort and your money esp on me for meals tat u haf been paying..maybe im juz not use to it, last time it use to be me paying for the guys meals..but nw turns out to be the guy paying for me..i feel bad for like spending on your money..but lucky u r not thrifty cuz neither am i too..guess im missing u nw badly but time is running out for both of us..if and only if we could haf met way past a few mths back, we can get to noe each other more and spend more time together..i love u and tat is for sure..

sadness overwhelms me..

time passes fast everyday, the every second and minute that i spend with him is going to come to an end this wk, but nevertheless it has been an enjoyable period with him..packing up, clearing up of stuff and chucking it all into the luggage bag, is going to be tedious..cleaning up of the rm to ensure the new ger moving in will sense the comfort and new environment for her..1 1/2 yrs of staying thr, but nth exciting happened..juz some random guys staying over and of cuz for the past few wks, my new guy is staying with me..happiness is nw beyond my description, everyday seems such a memorable day..the feeling of emptiness has already gone, cuz sum1 has already truely taken my heart and i promise is going to be a long term issue..our plannings r not juz verbally but action is louder than words..hopefully is going to fulfilled watever gers wan in their life..i nd happiness and trust..

juz bored..

i haf no idea how can a person slp tat much..will he wake up or juz slp till the nx morning..omg, i juz dun understand..maybe he shd juz stay with the pigs, do nth, eat and den slp..perhaps his life is all abt sleeping, maybe a princess shd juz go and gif him a kiss, to wake him up..is juz like a fairytale story, is not sleeping beauty, but sleeping beast..lol..a very ugly beast indeed..and well a beast with a pair of specs..snoring away like a train never stop moving till the next morning..and ppl'll start using pegs to clip on his bloody nose..lol

final countdown..

finale the last paper on friday..and it seems ages to come and all i noe is im waiting and waiting..looking forward for the paper and how i wish i could juz sit for the exam earlier, but still no chance to get back early..due to the reason of fully flights..yeah students are rushing back hme right aft the exams..yeah missing hme, food and their love ones..but nevertheless this time round im not rushing to c my love ones but to c my mum, frends and of cuz gerald..my blog nw surrounds abt baby gerald..i guess aft seeing him, it will be more abt bitchy abt gerald koo..lol..

random sleepy blog..

cant wait for exams to end, here im in uni studying and all i noe is im falling asleep soon..i nd some sweet stuff to keep myself awake, and i needed snakes lollies to keep me awake and active..ciggs dun help, neither i cant drink another redbull..is so addictive can..hopefully aft exams, i wouldnt even crave for redbull..dammit..exam period is the worst of the worst, y the hell do we students even haf to sit for exams..no no no, y do we even haf to study..if everyday life is like rotting, slacking and juz simply doing nth, and i haf loads of $, i would be doing endless shopping and endless travelling ard the world independently..my mind is like wondering ard, shit, i nd to get down to work..study early and relaz early..another 9 days to go..and i simply miss hme..

10 days..

yes, indeed another 10 days, i shall be bck in jb..i nd to c my mum,miss her loads and loads..thinking bck the past few mths, alot of things juz randomly happen, but is a blessing though..happy memories and well, a new bf..a doteful and caring bf,i simply love and miss him every single day..it happens whenever i c him off to work or schooling and is always in the morning, juz couldnt let him go..well, bf i miss, but i still miss my frends in sg..anyway cheryl, i cant wait to c u,and bitch ard with u yeah..but most likely u shd be very bz with work..juz wanna catch up with u so badly..and of cuz not to miss out the other fab2, i oso miss u guys too..shall hang out soon ya..yes and only yes,baby gerald,im yearning, waiting, yearning and waiting to c u..i cant wait to carry u big fat kiddy..lol..anyway back to reality, exams r juz simply a painful period of the semester for me..all the stress and heart beating quickly again..but the pain is hopefully ending soon..

motivation seeker..

cant wait for the exam to come man, but den, im lacking of motivation to study, is taking such a long time for the actual paper to come, sianing man..simply hate studying..but den is coming to an end..it is time for my future planning and i realise i m looking at the long-term and best of of,i bet ger r thinking when can they actually settle down..nevertheless, im still without a career and lacking of financial to support myself..still relying on my parents and i feel so ashamed of myself..anyway looking forward to working life, and endure the pain and hardship of building up a career..3 wks left and im going to return bck to jb..happy but sad and painfulness..thr goes the ldr again, will it endure till the last..no idea!!

definition of trust..

i no longer noe wat does trust means at all..all i noe is i dun trust guys anymore despite my last failed r/ns.. r words louder than actions, i think i fully agree with this sentence..i alr tried my very best to trust and trust and comfort myself that my r/ns this time round will be successful..but guess is to early to say for nw rite..therefore i guess the best solution is to zou yi bu kan yi bu..everything is going to end soon, my 2 yrs in perth is going to end soon..juz pray hard for my exams and hope everything will go smoothly and up to my expectation..the missing feelings without him by my side is gonna be terrible, but nevertheless, can i handle this ldr again..i really dun haf the confidence anymore, but hopefully watever he says prove me wrong, tat i could actually fully trust guys again..i juz wan to haf a stable r/ns and stop searching for any guys anymore..is he my ideal 1?well, i think is too early to say so..

1 july

another 4 weeks to go b4 im back hme..exams coming soon, and is time to buck up..sianing..but is time to race to the end and haf a long term break aft exams..but im going back soon on the 1 july, and the main motive to rush back hme is to see my nephew and also to take care of him..im so excited and happy as well..and another motive is to intro my dearest to my mum and of cuz my jie mei and let both of u haf a look at him..lol..and gif me some comments ya..guess is gonna be so serious and hopefully it does last long though..he is such as nice guy till i guess im so into him alr..and well i found out a shocking news..my ex got married and he is a bastard..juz broke up with me and dare dare get married alr..he is full of lies and whoever got married with him, gd luck man..ended up also kena kick off..im so blessed tat im not the ger, cuz i wouldnt noe wat will happen to me nx..but den i hope retribution befall on him and i be so damn happy..for all the bad things he does, he deserve sumthing bad for him..i hate him to the core..but den my life is so much better without him nw..i feel so much happier than last time, nth to fanz abt..but is juz my future..

8 weeks back hme..

exams is ard the corner and is like so fast..well, all i can say is time passes fast.. another 2 wks, sch will end, and here comes 1 wk study break..exams will start from 17-27 which is like so long..but anyway study hard, everything will be fine for me and hopefully it will..back to jb and i noe i haf to take care of my sis baby, but im so anxious to see gerald..as all my family members mention that the baby is so adorable..but den even if i go bck, i still will miss frends in perth and esp u..is great having to noe him and he is really a caring and nice person..all i can say..

a mth..

another mth to exam..time flies so fast and is like mid may..feel stressed and tired for the entire sem but hopefully is worthwhile..however, sweetest things do happen at times during this stressful period and i feel blessed abt it..enjoying the happiness but den thr r juz too much plannings to be done..will thr be an ending, well i cant predict it at all..juz sumhow wish time can stop for nw,but den back to reality is impossible..lol..anyway weather is changing, getting cold over in perth..sumtimes is nice to be cold but den at the same time, i get tired so easily..feel like just nuaing on the bed all the time..i bet all students haf this kind of feeling, who likes to stay in the lab or library to study..me neither too..anyway saw my sis baby..is cute and chubby but wonder will he be super fat when he grows up..will he be a charming guy when he grows up..guess when i go bck to jb, my hse will be crowded, but sumhow i still prefer staying alone..i love my freedom, without parents interference..do wat i wan to do..anyway juz gonna study hard for this period of time and everything will end soon-which i always tell my frends..lol..

controlling..

im trying very very hard not to get myself into trouble..i hope not to fall into any r/ns here..pls..is not the right time and neither do i want any commitments..but once feelings r thr, is tough to get rid..i haf to control and control..r/ns is juz a troublesome problem..but glad tat my ldr has ended, nth to worry abt nw..thanz god..cuz i haf alr move on and neither do i miss him anymore..sad to say tat..

week break..

presentations and mid sem exams r over and here comes the 1 week break starting from today onwards..3 projects on the go nw, and major big projects..the wk break is to concentrate on my individual assignment and hopefully to finish it off during this 1 wk..research and neverending research for this 3 projects..but for nw, im lacking of confidence and realising that i haf been pressurizing myself..worst of all, staring into the mirror, i haf eyebag and nvm pimples popping out on my forehead and this nv happens last yr..shit, not enough slp, am i not taking gd care of my face..juz watever..i guess this sem im committed wholeheartedly into my studies and no other distractions..no commitments into irrelevant areas..juz wanna finish everything peacefully and go bck hme..tat is all i pray for.. anyway,cheryl miss u loads, guess your finals r here soon, wish u all the best and do contact with me at times..

week 7..

i hate week 7 which is starting frm nx wk..2 exams and 2 presentations, 1 project due..everythins is juz gonna happen nx wk, it will be tough wk especially with the exams, will i be able to score, cuz is again mcqs..shit, no confident anyway.. even break is coming, im not looking forward at all, it be worst, 3 projects due on may and is the same week, not enough time man.. the main problem with projects is research and research, i hate it..shall haf to start during the break, so i will haf more time to prepare for exams, is better to be early than late.. anyway im so looking forward to seeing my nephew and guess my sis is having a hard time looking aft her son..is gonna be weird to c another family member, but the hse will be lively and noisy with baby crying..mum hasnt call me recently and sis din online, needed sum1 close to tok to me and i misses them..it seems to be a rountine for my slping hrs recently, is like 3 am to slp and 7.30am to wake up, not enough slp..and i feel so tired everyday..mugging with bks and prepare for presentations..anyway i haf no allowance to even think of anything else and get agitated at times with the bloody hell and i deleted him..is kinda irritating, he is an asshole..i hate u..u come and go as and when u like, when i try to forget u, u come bck again and make me feel so complicated..den u sudd disappear again, wat the hell..but is fine with me, cuz i noe my tolerance level has reach to the highest limit, is enough alr..u haf been totally erased..cuz u r the worst and idiotic person i haf ever met in my F whole life..to forgive and forget-is absolutely nonsensical..gers can be evil when u pissed her off, and tat is wat u did to me..dun make me lose my temper and do sumthing to u..retribution haf alr befall u and u haf alr receive it.. god noes wat bad deeds u did..womanizer..

simply depressed..

how to lead life here, wat i needed nw is my mum to be with me,i nd a companion to tok to me, to cheer me up..im struggling very hard, mugging on projects, presentations..and ass i nd to prepare for exams another 3 wks left..my heart has not improve regardless how much pills i haf consume..is getting worst.. i haf nv relaz at all even though im not working..i feel more tired, depressed, no happiness..i wan to go bck jb as soon as i finish, tolerate..be patient..
anyway, congrats to my sis, finally gave birth to a baby boy, yearning to c him so much, wonder how he looks like..oh and i haf no idea wat is his name, shd be shean?? muz be a cute little fellow, n i will dote on him alot, my 1st nephew..

2nd wk

is the 2nd wk of school and hell loads of projects this semester..gosh, i going to faint soon, lol..but nevertheless i will endure with this whole sem, i can do it man right..i will 1st taste the hardships and next the sweetness, praying hard for this sem, god bless me.. and also pls let me haf a regular heart beating, god, pls..is tiring to even hear my heart beat so fast and let me haf a peaceful slp every nite.. i admit i still miss him and it happens when im really down, is a habit, i noe tat..well, the good thing is my sis is giving birth soon in another few wks time, i hope she will take care of herself and im looking forward to my nephew..another family member in the family, i will open up my hands and smile at him: welcome sweety!!

comfort..

i love my mum, standing by my side, supporting me, finding ways to cure my heart pumputation, buying medicines for me, finding ways for me to slp well in the nite, juz in case i really rely out on slping pills..she sending parcels to me, with tea whr her frend mention to her some organic tea that allows her to slp well in the nite..i feel glad with all my frends ard me in perth, im also trying very hard to relaz myself, not to think so much most importantly.. i juz wan my heart to beat to the normal rate and not fast, it might take mths, a yr perhaps, but i will pray to god to help me when i needed him so..my life in perth revolves ard with classes, gym and studying in the nite aft gym..is not going to be a last minute work anymore, every1 has to change..and of cuz thanz to my buddy when i needed her so, juz a phone call and share all my happiness, sadness, gossiping..simply miss u ya..lol..the 1 who always read my blog, anyway, u noe who u r..lol..a big hug!!

depressed..

im depressed and all i needa is sum1 to tok to me..sum1 who is close to me..ass feeling..

back in perth..

finally back to perth and fulfill my last semester..is time to buck up for the brand new yr and i make sure this sem i study hard and at least get a D or HD..it is a must for me, so i muz chiong all the way..i bet this sem is a tough 1, but wat matters most is i muz put in lots of effort, pray hard and hope everything will go smoothly for me..i pray hard tat my heart will not beat so fast and never to think of ending my life..god will be by my side, i sincerly noe tat..

holidaying in genting..

i dun even noe whr i wan to go..a short trip to genting, bored though..perhaps is more to accompany my family members, rather than staying hme thinking lots..seems to be the 3rd wk and here i am still feeling down..how am i suppose to get rid of this sadness..how long will i recover..my mentality for guys totally change and all im is pursuing for rich guys..i noe this is a bad thinking but to me love is no longer impt cuz i noe aft all i will lose out again..simply noe tat i will not give all my feelings for the nx r/ns or i will pay for the consequences again..i dun wish to end up getting depressed, thinking lots..my heart is simply pain and i really dunno wat shd i do nw..anyway nx wk will be the last wk in jb and finally bck in perth..to console myself, i nd to concentrate on my studies..studies is all tat matter.. yearning for the working life..

no slp tonite..

sleepless nite..eyes tired but couldnt slp..wat in the world am i thinking abt..missing loads..god all i nd is support frm u..

blogging in cafe..

aft so many days since im bck frm perth, this is like the 1st time im blogging..lol..well so many things happen during 2008..the end of everything..sad though, but wat can i do nw..but glad thr is always a bbf out thr for me, thanz cheryl for lending me a listening ear, consoling me..taking care of me while im drunk..sorry for making a mess out of myself..but tat is wat i needed, i juz noe tat..health isnt tat gd ever since the drinking on sat..heart beating fast and mum suggested me to go for a checkup..but couldnt face the reality if anything happens to my heart..am i really suffering frm a minor depression, thinking too much, am i..well,anyway bbf i miss u alot..missing your companion..

my 2008 resolution..

is a brand new year 2008..time passes so fast..and hopefully, pray hard, i be left with my last semester..my wish for this yr is to study hard and pass everything..and looking forward to working life..simply love working..everybody is moving on, and i noe i shd too, is time to give up and i shall nv regret..cuz simply not worth my time and my effort..