emptiness..

he has gone hme finally for a short holiday after a yr havent seen his parents..happy for him..my rm is finally empty, with juz 2 of my luggage bags lying on d floor, memories are overwhelming me..happiness and sadness all happen in this rm..laundrobar, the staircase, the seats near the staircase, leave so much memories behind..everything juz started here, esp my strong memories with him..i simply miss him..even for 1 day, i miss him tat bad, my heartbeat is beating fast again juz cuz he isnt by my side..wat will happen when i nd to work in sg for 3 yrs, how am i suppose to ctrl myself..how to bear with it..how and how and endless how..i feel tat this trip back hme is toking all abt $..i nd to settle my rent, nd my mum to buy me an air tix back hme, nd to go for holiday, nd allowances to spend, nd $ when i come bck to perth, everything is all toking abt $..i juz simply wan to work and spend my own $, i feel so useless doing nth at hme, no income coming in..the kind of feeling is juz like sum1 who is waiting for ppl to provide $..my feeling for nw is super depressed, who can understand..i juz feel like being alone, i hate to tok to ppl abt how i feel, cuz no1 will understand.. i fear to go back, the moment i touch down tml, thr is lots of paperwork to be done and all cuz of the 3yrs bond..this is pathetic..who wants to be tied down, i wish to be like a bird who has the freedom to choose wherever they want to go to..im juz like a prisoner, i cant escape frm reality, the road in front of me is full of hurdles and burden..i haf difficulty walking, i might trip down anytime..but shd i be strong enough to handle this, i wish i could..all i needed is support and words of encouragement..

a lie..

is a lie if i say im not sad and neither do i miss u and neither do i think abt wat will happen if u r not beside me..shit i noe i cannot make it, but i haf to be stronger than u..if both of us r weak, we will not survive in this ldr..so i nd to be thr to support u..im the older 1, i nd to protect u..

neverendless thanz..

the more i c u unbearable to leave me, the more i feel pain.. to c u not slping well in d nite, wat am i suppose to do..aft all when i leave, u still haf to face the fact tat im not beside u..if we love each other, we shall wait for each other..like u say time passes very fast, yeah, but everyday will seems to drag for both of us..but well if im serious abt u, i hope u will gif me all the trust and love tat i needed to reassure myself tat u r meant to be my lifetime partner..i love u and thanz for the time tat u haf spend with me, i cherish it very much..thanz for pulling me up with your lovely smile with all the rubbish tat i haf been facing for the past few mths..thanz for spending so much effort and your money esp on me for meals tat u haf been paying..maybe im juz not use to it, last time it use to be me paying for the guys meals..but nw turns out to be the guy paying for me..i feel bad for like spending on your money..but lucky u r not thrifty cuz neither am i too..guess im missing u nw badly but time is running out for both of us..if and only if we could haf met way past a few mths back, we can get to noe each other more and spend more time together..i love u and tat is for sure..

sadness overwhelms me..

time passes fast everyday, the every second and minute that i spend with him is going to come to an end this wk, but nevertheless it has been an enjoyable period with him..packing up, clearing up of stuff and chucking it all into the luggage bag, is going to be tedious..cleaning up of the rm to ensure the new ger moving in will sense the comfort and new environment for her..1 1/2 yrs of staying thr, but nth exciting happened..juz some random guys staying over and of cuz for the past few wks, my new guy is staying with me..happiness is nw beyond my description, everyday seems such a memorable day..the feeling of emptiness has already gone, cuz sum1 has already truely taken my heart and i promise is going to be a long term issue..our plannings r not juz verbally but action is louder than words..hopefully is going to fulfilled watever gers wan in their life..i nd happiness and trust..

juz bored..

i haf no idea how can a person slp tat much..will he wake up or juz slp till the nx morning..omg, i juz dun understand..maybe he shd juz stay with the pigs, do nth, eat and den slp..perhaps his life is all abt sleeping, maybe a princess shd juz go and gif him a kiss, to wake him up..is juz like a fairytale story, is not sleeping beauty, but sleeping beast..lol..a very ugly beast indeed..and well a beast with a pair of specs..snoring away like a train never stop moving till the next morning..and ppl'll start using pegs to clip on his bloody nose..lol

final countdown..

finale the last paper on friday..and it seems ages to come and all i noe is im waiting and waiting..looking forward for the paper and how i wish i could juz sit for the exam earlier, but still no chance to get back early..due to the reason of fully flights..yeah students are rushing back hme right aft the exams..yeah missing hme, food and their love ones..but nevertheless this time round im not rushing to c my love ones but to c my mum, frends and of cuz gerald..my blog nw surrounds abt baby gerald..i guess aft seeing him, it will be more abt bitchy abt gerald koo..lol..

random sleepy blog..

cant wait for exams to end, here im in uni studying and all i noe is im falling asleep soon..i nd some sweet stuff to keep myself awake, and i needed snakes lollies to keep me awake and active..ciggs dun help, neither i cant drink another redbull..is so addictive can..hopefully aft exams, i wouldnt even crave for redbull..dammit..exam period is the worst of the worst, y the hell do we students even haf to sit for exams..no no no, y do we even haf to study..if everyday life is like rotting, slacking and juz simply doing nth, and i haf loads of $, i would be doing endless shopping and endless travelling ard the world independently..my mind is like wondering ard, shit, i nd to get down to work..study early and relaz early..another 9 days to go..and i simply miss hme..

10 days..

yes, indeed another 10 days, i shall be bck in jb..i nd to c my mum,miss her loads and loads..thinking bck the past few mths, alot of things juz randomly happen, but is a blessing though..happy memories and well, a new bf..a doteful and caring bf,i simply love and miss him every single day..it happens whenever i c him off to work or schooling and is always in the morning, juz couldnt let him go..well, bf i miss, but i still miss my frends in sg..anyway cheryl, i cant wait to c u,and bitch ard with u yeah..but most likely u shd be very bz with work..juz wanna catch up with u so badly..and of cuz not to miss out the other fab2, i oso miss u guys too..shall hang out soon ya..yes and only yes,baby gerald,im yearning, waiting, yearning and waiting to c u..i cant wait to carry u big fat kiddy..lol..anyway back to reality, exams r juz simply a painful period of the semester for me..all the stress and heart beating quickly again..but the pain is hopefully ending soon..

motivation seeker..

cant wait for the exam to come man, but den, im lacking of motivation to study, is taking such a long time for the actual paper to come, sianing man..simply hate studying..but den is coming to an end..it is time for my future planning and i realise i m looking at the long-term and best of of,i bet ger r thinking when can they actually settle down..nevertheless, im still without a career and lacking of financial to support myself..still relying on my parents and i feel so ashamed of myself..anyway looking forward to working life, and endure the pain and hardship of building up a career..3 wks left and im going to return bck to jb..happy but sad and painfulness..thr goes the ldr again, will it endure till the last..no idea!!

definition of trust..

i no longer noe wat does trust means at all..all i noe is i dun trust guys anymore despite my last failed r/ns.. r words louder than actions, i think i fully agree with this sentence..i alr tried my very best to trust and trust and comfort myself that my r/ns this time round will be successful..but guess is to early to say for nw rite..therefore i guess the best solution is to zou yi bu kan yi bu..everything is going to end soon, my 2 yrs in perth is going to end soon..juz pray hard for my exams and hope everything will go smoothly and up to my expectation..the missing feelings without him by my side is gonna be terrible, but nevertheless, can i handle this ldr again..i really dun haf the confidence anymore, but hopefully watever he says prove me wrong, tat i could actually fully trust guys again..i juz wan to haf a stable r/ns and stop searching for any guys anymore..is he my ideal 1?well, i think is too early to say so..

1 july

another 4 weeks to go b4 im back hme..exams coming soon, and is time to buck up..sianing..but is time to race to the end and haf a long term break aft exams..but im going back soon on the 1 july, and the main motive to rush back hme is to see my nephew and also to take care of him..im so excited and happy as well..and another motive is to intro my dearest to my mum and of cuz my jie mei and let both of u haf a look at him..lol..and gif me some comments ya..guess is gonna be so serious and hopefully it does last long though..he is such as nice guy till i guess im so into him alr..and well i found out a shocking news..my ex got married and he is a bastard..juz broke up with me and dare dare get married alr..he is full of lies and whoever got married with him, gd luck man..ended up also kena kick off..im so blessed tat im not the ger, cuz i wouldnt noe wat will happen to me nx..but den i hope retribution befall on him and i be so damn happy..for all the bad things he does, he deserve sumthing bad for him..i hate him to the core..but den my life is so much better without him nw..i feel so much happier than last time, nth to fanz abt..but is juz my future..