irritated..

with many people walking up and down, doing the construction work, with all the fucking noises,and dust, i feel so pek cheh..juz feel like running out of the hse..and plus nd to do some cleaning up, the hses r juz so fucking dusty..i hate to stay hme for nw, frm nx wk onwards im going to find some activities to do..rather than staying hme being ordered to do this and tat..i can say im simply lazy, but im getting sick of staying hme, facing the tv and lappy..is so fucking boring..yeah i shd ctrl my attitude..

thoughts..

just some thoughts while lying on d bed..i realise i like everything to be fresh..regardless from uni, frends, r/ns..everything seems to go well when it is brand new, i simply love the moment..however as time goes by, everything seems to change..

my aim..

my aim for this week is to send in as many resumes as possible..hopefully i can get a job and start work in september..my 1st interview on wednesday was kinda a gd start, so as the next interview i be more experienced and know how to ans the interviewer in a professional manner..i believe in every interview, the most impt is to possess a confident outlook..wed interview left me speechless at a moment, whr i start to reply by hmm..and i knew this job wouldnt work out for me at all..once the interviewer knew that u r stuttuering which means chances is extremely low..but to encourage myself, thr r always better job opportunities outside and never learn to be demoralised..anyway all d best to me in my nx interview on monday, which is something to do with sales, but den the location is abit far though..leaving with 2 more wks to c u dear, perhaps my last long meeting with u b4 i venture into my career..let me end with 2008 with a gd yr,once and for more, god bless me in watever i do..i believe in u..

pissed..

im going to settle everything once and for all in perth..im not going to haf anything to do with it..i wan to start all over again in sg and fulfill watever plannings i haf thought abt it..each time the mentioning of anything happening in perth, the 1st thing tat comes into my mind is all abt money..fucking not earning any money and all the phone bills, rent, electric, internet bills, im still suppose to pay for everything..fucking nd to get money frm parents, wat a failure daughter they haf..aussie is fucking high and as soon as i get back, i haf to pay all this stuff..i can be thick skin with frends but juz fail to be thick skin with my parents..tired and endless tired to everyday making a din with him..everyday got things to quarrel..i nd a peace of mind at times..patience is not a tolerance for me anymore..

bad week..

wat a bad week..things juz dun work out for me..no company call me for an interview except juz 1 pathetic company and is like so far..2 buses the most i reckon..im not use to taking public transport anymore..so tiring and worst of all is so sweaty..the journey is so far or maybe i simply dunno how to take the short route..but the mrt ride was interesting..able to c different kind of ppl and best of all to c how the gers r dressing nw..i realise tat most of them r indulging into branded bags..the 2 best brands i haf seen..LV and Coach bags that most of the gers r using..well this is the end of the wk, and 2 most bloody things happen to me..1st is for nth, my mum step my handphone and thr is patch of black colour thingy on my screen, which means i cant c half of the msgs..i alr dun feel like wasting the money..i noe the money can be spend on clothings and other necessities..and 2nd thing is for nth, i tumble down from the steps..and bloody tear my butt skin and my knee is bleeding..but lucky only blood on my skin..but den my butt is paining like hell, guess is gonna swollen..big butt..lol..again, i feel so bored at hme, anywhr oso din go..im getting sick and tired of staying hme..SIAN is the word i haf been mentioning ever since i came back..i get very irritated these few days and i tend to flare up with every1..even my mum dun even dare to tok to me, cuz i simply dun ans to her complaints..i juz wan to be alone at times, without any1 mumbling this and tat..alr life is so bored and ppl come and scold u this and tat, i simply juz hate it..i noe i haf nth better to do, but juz ppl if u wan to find ppl to vent on your frustration, dun look for me..cuz i will not entertain anybody..

next step..

results out..and nw alot of nx plannings to be done..first to settle my bond thingy, next is to decide wht to go back to perth early or juz attend for covocation..im in a dilemma, if go back early, i be bored dead..dear will be off to work or schooling and nobody to accompany me..if go back late, at least i can look for job..im juz hanging in btw..so if can, i nd help man..shd i rush to work 1st or shd i juz rest 1st..sian..

sian..

early in d morning.. awake..the fear and panic..watching mtv and staring into space..i super sian, if only thr is some1 to accompany me, would i feel much better..dear, i wish i could juz hug u and i needa your shoulder..missing u at this time of the day..

the deadline..

results r out tml, shit feeling..wat a day, raining since yest nite..rainy days makes a person feel so emotional and depressed..but raining is gd for the car, it need some cleaning up..lol..walking ard at hme as though im so bloody bz..no1 at hme, except me..but is a bonus for me, i can happily smoke outside..im getting so so restless, i hate the feeling of staying hme, staring into the walls, so bored..i nd sum activity..im so doubtful, hate to stay hme but also hate to go out..so wat d hell do i wan at all..life is so meaningless..couldnt understand how can ppl tell me tat slacking is the best moment in life..but to me is juz a waste of time..young ppl shd work hard enough..well back to searching for jobs..life is all abt putting in effort, with effort thr r definitely returns..so im trying to send as many resume as possible, i believe thr is a particular company whom will employ me..god bless me for results tml and job hunting..

results..

results gonna out on nx tue..my fear for it..ppl consoling me, but im the one facing it..im juz too scared to face the truth..juz hope everything turns out well..i pray hard enough..i noe i juz haf to pray very very hard and hoping tat god u will hear my prayers..recently, im so addicted to starbucks and coffee bean coffee..my daily routine is to get a cup everyday and smoke 2 sticks of ciggs..toking abt smoking, haf been cutting down frm juz less than 10 sticks per day..this kinda feeling is so sucky..when i needed smoking, i haf to tolerate..lol..
my feelings for this wk: i feel like a restless, a lost person who dun even noe my direction..i feel as though im a plant who is going to wither soon..ppl say rotting and slacking life is the most enjoyable moment, but i feel so useless, so dead bored everyday..sitting down at the same corner watching tv, this kinda days....when will it going to end..am i suppose to gif myself a deadline b4 really entering into the workforce..Im like so missing him everyday, but nevertheless he is not by my side..i needed a shoulder to lean on and all i noe is i want to run to u asap, juz a simple hug is all tat i needed for nw..my fear is when he started getting bz with work and study, will he simply communicate less with me or will i be forgotten gradually..he assured me, but the fear is still thr..i miss him more than any words i can express..maybe i shd juz find a plc to escape and not stay at hme and think too much..

juz wondering ard..

he left for perth this morning..sad to see him leaving..heart pain to c him all alone in perth..wondering and wondering wht he will get use to his old life being alone..without me by his side..wonder if he will take care of himself..wonder if he will wake up on time..wonder if he will eat and sleep well..wonder if he will be able to make his own decisions..wonder if he will be able to handle all his problems alone..wonder who will be by his side if he is down..will i be able to handle this ldr..i shd be confident enough, for the love tat he shown/proven to me..for how much he love me..i juz hope and pray tat he be able to fulfill all his promises for me even though im not by his side..well..i pray hard for him in watever he does..

back to normal life

my life is still the same..juz feel like being alone..dun feel like toking..getting agitated easily..a little bit of things i can get pissed off for the whole day..im irritated for ppl who make a bit of mistake..irritated for ppl pestering me to do this and tat..irritated for ppl who promise something but do other things..juz fucking leave me alone..im not settled down yet, so juz stop asking me anything abt my life..i be grateful for tat..

lost..

im lost to the max..y am i always in this position..im tired of my life..if only u r here with me..