wonders..

sometimes it is sad to c ppl at such a young age they r coping with both studies and work..i realise that he has hardly enough time to even take a rest..waking up early and thr he goes for work again..is his life all abt work and study? sometimes thr seems to be question mark for me, y is he working so hard..izzit for the sake of earning more money or juz for the enjoyment of the work that provides him..or perhaps it is both of the reason..leaving me with another 2 wks which means my holiday is ending soon.. back to reality..anyway rather be working than rotting at home..my wish for nw is to let time pass fast and hopefully soon i be back with him again..perhaps during this period is time for me to train myself to be a more mature person and endure the hardship..to learn to cope once again for ldr..i hope it'll work out as i haf no longer wish to search for other guys anymore..even searching for jobs can be tough, wat abt searching for my future partner..lol..y do i always haf the thoughts of settling down earlier when i dun even haf any financial support for myself..perhaps as gers get older, they tend to worry more about their future and future partner as well..

old blogs..

while i was reading my old blog, i was like how come my blog sound so emotional and feel so disgusted all of a sudden..shdnt i even feel happier nw..but at least i can say tat, im much happier ever since im with him..juz a smile frm him makes my day..i simply miss him every single moment and day..ldr can i ever cope it with all the missing feelings even when im right by his side..my feelings for nw and for him: i realise tat im always the 1 venting on my frustration towards him, without considering his feelings, and thr he goes again, trying to make me happy and finding ways not to see me angry..i feel guilty each time i lost my temper and patience on him..and i realise tat ppl usually regret aft wat they haf done..im only apologetic towards all the anger that i haf vent on him and i noe ppl's patience haf a limit..and i guess i shd be controlling myself.. sometimes i juz wish he could understand something, gers r like this, wat they say something doesnt meant it tat way..perhaps i shd coach him even more to understand abt gers' feelings..lol..

thoughts..

alone..i realise i hate to be alone recently,i hate to eat alone, doing nth alone, izzit cuz im too use with some1 beside me to share everything with me..whenever i c him back home, im glad, at least i wun be alone siting down thr and wait.. it's a lie if i say i wun be bored even he is not beside me, but wat to do, situations forced me to compromise at times.. im beginning to become more understanding, it is alrite to be alone at times, but wat im afraid is, i'll think too much..looking positive, nah, i think im more to the negative side..unwilling to listen to ppl's comments abt me, i get sad easily..unable to help ppl to solve their problems or even lending a helping hand, i feel so useless..recently, seeing u thinking so much, i feel so sad, but wat can i do for u..i agree time is getting short, feelings for me right nw is happy and sad..happy finally can really settle down to look for a job, sad cuz to leave him behind alone to fend for himself..unable to share his happiness, worries and problems together..but in life, i believe that not everything's perfect, the road is always rocky, and when the time is up, the road will be smooth for both of us again..yeah, time is all tat i needed nw..

days outnumbered..

13 days left..days pass so fast, im afraid to face everything alone..long distance and the fear of entering into the working environment..how is everything going to be like..

yet another day..

another day again, nth to do but staring into space..wat's life all abt, izzit to waste all the precious time doing nth..shit!!

tasteless and boredom..

y am i feeling so tasteless these few days, izzit cuz of the overdrinking of alcohol..the feeling of getting high and not even knowing wat i am saying, is indeed great..true feelings and thoughts will only be expressed when i am simply "high" on alcohol.. i can only say every day seems to pass by quickly, but the time when i am alone is definitely slow and taking ages.. the feeling of doing nth and rotting till nw seems so bored for me, and left with 24 days towards returning back to jb..whr the tough period is awaiting for me right at the moment when i m back hme..preparing for the worst, searching for jobs, preparing for interview, travelling to and fro sg, i haf to be mentally prepared to the days when i am studying in sg.. i noe i can do it, i haf been travelling to sg for so many yrs, it doesnt matter for me to lead the hard life..for me, pursuing my career, earning more money is the current situation that i haf been looking forward to..i understand that this's the selfish part of me, perhaps time will be spend less on you, but hopefully u'll understand that these r my 2 goals for this yr..schooling is no longer an existence for me and every1 has to pass by the period when working becomes a life long thingy..with no parents providing u anymore money, but we as the children has to use our both hands to earn money and in return gif them a sum of money every month..i guess this is every1's wish in their life but i am only looking forward to this moment, when can i actually get a job, hopefully asap..i am certain that i haf to start work by sept and nth is going to stop me from doing it.. motivation and support is definitely wat i need by tat time..every1 do go thru tough period but i always believe that we'll taste the sweetness if we achieve something..yeah like wat dear always say, look at the positive side, open up your mind..lol..certainly missing him everyday even though i am here by his side..feelings r simply too strong for him..and also not to forget cheryl, i miss u too, if u r reading my blog, u r not forgotten..

getting worst..

wat shd i do to make myself stop thinking so much..sad and emotional..life's getting meaningless for me, it is somehow pointless for me to carry on..im so tired, sad everyday..think so much..i tried very hard to ctrl myself, but nevertheless, i cant.. i cant make it anymore..hiding myself frm every1, getting frustrated abt myself..useless and useless..

3 days back to perth..

finally going back to perth for a short period..i simply miss the weather thr, at least cold for a mth plus..i hate the hot weather in msia, sticky and sweaty..tat's bad..anyway looking forward to working life as well, after perth, it'll be more to searching for relevant jobs and hurry up start work..getting bored at hme these few days, nth to do, but staring at the tv..nobody to tok with, hiding myself in the rm..mum and sis off to work and im all alone at hme..so bored..im those who hate to do nth, but staring into space all day long..havent been feeling well recently, heart beating extremely fast and i get tired and irritated as well..feeling moody and get emotional lately..maybe im juz thinking alot but im unsure wat am i thinking abt..hopefully back to perth, i can go to church..quite some time havent been to church..