next step..

results out..and nw alot of nx plannings to be done..first to settle my bond thingy, next is to decide wht to go back to perth early or juz attend for covocation..im in a dilemma, if go back early, i be bored dead..dear will be off to work or schooling and nobody to accompany me..if go back late, at least i can look for job..im juz hanging in btw..so if can, i nd help man..shd i rush to work 1st or shd i juz rest 1st..sian..

sian..

early in d morning.. awake..the fear and panic..watching mtv and staring into space..i super sian, if only thr is some1 to accompany me, would i feel much better..dear, i wish i could juz hug u and i needa your shoulder..missing u at this time of the day..

the deadline..

results r out tml, shit feeling..wat a day, raining since yest nite..rainy days makes a person feel so emotional and depressed..but raining is gd for the car, it need some cleaning up..lol..walking ard at hme as though im so bloody bz..no1 at hme, except me..but is a bonus for me, i can happily smoke outside..im getting so so restless, i hate the feeling of staying hme, staring into the walls, so bored..i nd sum activity..im so doubtful, hate to stay hme but also hate to go out..so wat d hell do i wan at all..life is so meaningless..couldnt understand how can ppl tell me tat slacking is the best moment in life..but to me is juz a waste of time..young ppl shd work hard enough..well back to searching for jobs..life is all abt putting in effort, with effort thr r definitely returns..so im trying to send as many resume as possible, i believe thr is a particular company whom will employ me..god bless me for results tml and job hunting..

results..

results gonna out on nx tue..my fear for it..ppl consoling me, but im the one facing it..im juz too scared to face the truth..juz hope everything turns out well..i pray hard enough..i noe i juz haf to pray very very hard and hoping tat god u will hear my prayers..recently, im so addicted to starbucks and coffee bean coffee..my daily routine is to get a cup everyday and smoke 2 sticks of ciggs..toking abt smoking, haf been cutting down frm juz less than 10 sticks per day..this kinda feeling is so sucky..when i needed smoking, i haf to tolerate..lol..
my feelings for this wk: i feel like a restless, a lost person who dun even noe my direction..i feel as though im a plant who is going to wither soon..ppl say rotting and slacking life is the most enjoyable moment, but i feel so useless, so dead bored everyday..sitting down at the same corner watching tv, this kinda days....when will it going to end..am i suppose to gif myself a deadline b4 really entering into the workforce..Im like so missing him everyday, but nevertheless he is not by my side..i needed a shoulder to lean on and all i noe is i want to run to u asap, juz a simple hug is all tat i needed for nw..my fear is when he started getting bz with work and study, will he simply communicate less with me or will i be forgotten gradually..he assured me, but the fear is still thr..i miss him more than any words i can express..maybe i shd juz find a plc to escape and not stay at hme and think too much..

juz wondering ard..

he left for perth this morning..sad to see him leaving..heart pain to c him all alone in perth..wondering and wondering wht he will get use to his old life being alone..without me by his side..wonder if he will take care of himself..wonder if he will wake up on time..wonder if he will eat and sleep well..wonder if he will be able to make his own decisions..wonder if he will be able to handle all his problems alone..wonder who will be by his side if he is down..will i be able to handle this ldr..i shd be confident enough, for the love tat he shown/proven to me..for how much he love me..i juz hope and pray tat he be able to fulfill all his promises for me even though im not by his side..well..i pray hard for him in watever he does..

back to normal life

my life is still the same..juz feel like being alone..dun feel like toking..getting agitated easily..a little bit of things i can get pissed off for the whole day..im irritated for ppl who make a bit of mistake..irritated for ppl pestering me to do this and tat..irritated for ppl who promise something but do other things..juz fucking leave me alone..im not settled down yet, so juz stop asking me anything abt my life..i be grateful for tat..

lost..

im lost to the max..y am i always in this position..im tired of my life..if only u r here with me..