definition of trust..

i no longer noe wat does trust means at all..all i noe is i dun trust guys anymore despite my last failed r/ns.. r words louder than actions, i think i fully agree with this sentence..i alr tried my very best to trust and trust and comfort myself that my r/ns this time round will be successful..but guess is to early to say for nw rite..therefore i guess the best solution is to zou yi bu kan yi bu..everything is going to end soon, my 2 yrs in perth is going to end soon..juz pray hard for my exams and hope everything will go smoothly and up to my expectation..the missing feelings without him by my side is gonna be terrible, but nevertheless, can i handle this ldr again..i really dun haf the confidence anymore, but hopefully watever he says prove me wrong, tat i could actually fully trust guys again..i juz wan to haf a stable r/ns and stop searching for any guys anymore..is he my ideal 1?well, i think is too early to say so..

1 july

another 4 weeks to go b4 im back hme..exams coming soon, and is time to buck up..sianing..but is time to race to the end and haf a long term break aft exams..but im going back soon on the 1 july, and the main motive to rush back hme is to see my nephew and also to take care of him..im so excited and happy as well..and another motive is to intro my dearest to my mum and of cuz my jie mei and let both of u haf a look at him..lol..and gif me some comments ya..guess is gonna be so serious and hopefully it does last long though..he is such as nice guy till i guess im so into him alr..and well i found out a shocking news..my ex got married and he is a bastard..juz broke up with me and dare dare get married alr..he is full of lies and whoever got married with him, gd luck man..ended up also kena kick off..im so blessed tat im not the ger, cuz i wouldnt noe wat will happen to me nx..but den i hope retribution befall on him and i be so damn happy..for all the bad things he does, he deserve sumthing bad for him..i hate him to the core..but den my life is so much better without him nw..i feel so much happier than last time, nth to fanz abt..but is juz my future..

8 weeks back hme..

exams is ard the corner and is like so fast..well, all i can say is time passes fast.. another 2 wks, sch will end, and here comes 1 wk study break..exams will start from 17-27 which is like so long..but anyway study hard, everything will be fine for me and hopefully it will..back to jb and i noe i haf to take care of my sis baby, but im so anxious to see gerald..as all my family members mention that the baby is so adorable..but den even if i go bck, i still will miss frends in perth and esp u..is great having to noe him and he is really a caring and nice person..all i can say..

a mth..

another mth to exam..time flies so fast and is like mid may..feel stressed and tired for the entire sem but hopefully is worthwhile..however, sweetest things do happen at times during this stressful period and i feel blessed abt it..enjoying the happiness but den thr r juz too much plannings to be done..will thr be an ending, well i cant predict it at all..juz sumhow wish time can stop for nw,but den back to reality is impossible..lol..anyway weather is changing, getting cold over in perth..sumtimes is nice to be cold but den at the same time, i get tired so easily..feel like just nuaing on the bed all the time..i bet all students haf this kind of feeling, who likes to stay in the lab or library to study..me neither too..anyway saw my sis baby..is cute and chubby but wonder will he be super fat when he grows up..will he be a charming guy when he grows up..guess when i go bck to jb, my hse will be crowded, but sumhow i still prefer staying alone..i love my freedom, without parents interference..do wat i wan to do..anyway juz gonna study hard for this period of time and everything will end soon-which i always tell my frends..lol..

controlling..

im trying very very hard not to get myself into trouble..i hope not to fall into any r/ns here..pls..is not the right time and neither do i want any commitments..but once feelings r thr, is tough to get rid..i haf to control and control..r/ns is juz a troublesome problem..but glad tat my ldr has ended, nth to worry abt nw..thanz god..cuz i haf alr move on and neither do i miss him anymore..sad to say tat..

week break..

presentations and mid sem exams r over and here comes the 1 week break starting from today onwards..3 projects on the go nw, and major big projects..the wk break is to concentrate on my individual assignment and hopefully to finish it off during this 1 wk..research and neverending research for this 3 projects..but for nw, im lacking of confidence and realising that i haf been pressurizing myself..worst of all, staring into the mirror, i haf eyebag and nvm pimples popping out on my forehead and this nv happens last yr..shit, not enough slp, am i not taking gd care of my face..juz watever..i guess this sem im committed wholeheartedly into my studies and no other distractions..no commitments into irrelevant areas..juz wanna finish everything peacefully and go bck hme..tat is all i pray for.. anyway,cheryl miss u loads, guess your finals r here soon, wish u all the best and do contact with me at times..

week 7..

i hate week 7 which is starting frm nx wk..2 exams and 2 presentations, 1 project due..everythins is juz gonna happen nx wk, it will be tough wk especially with the exams, will i be able to score, cuz is again mcqs..shit, no confident anyway.. even break is coming, im not looking forward at all, it be worst, 3 projects due on may and is the same week, not enough time man.. the main problem with projects is research and research, i hate it..shall haf to start during the break, so i will haf more time to prepare for exams, is better to be early than late.. anyway im so looking forward to seeing my nephew and guess my sis is having a hard time looking aft her son..is gonna be weird to c another family member, but the hse will be lively and noisy with baby crying..mum hasnt call me recently and sis din online, needed sum1 close to tok to me and i misses them..it seems to be a rountine for my slping hrs recently, is like 3 am to slp and 7.30am to wake up, not enough slp..and i feel so tired everyday..mugging with bks and prepare for presentations..anyway i haf no allowance to even think of anything else and get agitated at times with the bloody hell and i deleted him..is kinda irritating, he is an asshole..i hate u..u come and go as and when u like, when i try to forget u, u come bck again and make me feel so complicated..den u sudd disappear again, wat the hell..but is fine with me, cuz i noe my tolerance level has reach to the highest limit, is enough alr..u haf been totally erased..cuz u r the worst and idiotic person i haf ever met in my F whole life..to forgive and forget-is absolutely nonsensical..gers can be evil when u pissed her off, and tat is wat u did to me..dun make me lose my temper and do sumthing to u..retribution haf alr befall u and u haf alr receive it.. god noes wat bad deeds u did..womanizer..