beach..

a great day to go to the beach..is like super hot and went for suntanning in the beach..oh my god, my hands r like so dark..but simply love the sun and drinking lots of cold water..shiok..summer is here, love it..

shitty day..

not in a gd mood..juz dun feel like doing anything and lie down on the sofa..rotting is the best way, without any1 disturbing me, dun even feel like toking..weather is hot, went down got boost and stroll along the river..felt much better, looking at the sun setting..well since summer is here, gd for sun tanning..

13 days..

another 13 days and i be bck to jb for my long holidays..a short holiday trip to melbourne and so much things happen here..mostly disappointment..planning for nx holiday trip, hopefully to bangkong, my ideal plc and im determined to go thr since it is alr part of my plan..alot of plannings when i go bck to jb..of cuz i will go over klang to visit my best best buddy,kinda miss him so much..and to kl shopping ard hopefully..of cuz off to sg too, holland v, here i come..my dearest hoegarden..i shall drink till drop down..hopefully i haf a plc to stay to when im drunk..i shall spend more time with my best best frend, nd some catching up though..miss u greatly..

yearning..

im yearning for a nice holiday but not in any part of australia..i wan to go bangkok and shop ard esp for nice dresses..im so bored in mel, cant be shopping thr everyday..but the pub areas in mel is not too bad, get to drink hoegarden, shiok.. but i still miss holland village, simply love the scenery and enjoy my hoegarden..anyway not sure wht am i going bck to msia, im still making a decision btw wht to go bck or not..sian..

im not happy..

i really dun understand u anymore..tired of guessing and thinking wat is on your mind..y izzit so tough for u to change..i disappoint ppl and u disappoint me..getting tired..i dunwan to face reality,wish i could juz stay here and i dun wish to go bck..

disappointment

is it gd to be caught by my mum for being smoking..i noe she is disappointed with me and i feel sad when she say tat to me..but is not really a bad thing tat she noes it, since i dun even haf the intention to hide it behind her back..but sumhow i juz feel tat my mum is very fanz, i cant imagine myself going bck to msia and thr she is nagging..i simply hate to go bck hme..maybe im use to my alone and freedom life..hate the feeling of being ctrl..asking me whr am i going blah blah blah..irritated..i hate to c my relatives, toking so much behind my bck, they r such nuisance..and being spotted smoking by all of them, which adds to another topic for them to gossip abt....sumtimes i juz wish they could juz shut their mouth and bother abt their own biz and not to interfere into other ppl problems..ever since i came to mel and met with all my relatives, i feel tat sumhow i hate a few of them..i use to tok alot with my mum, but nw i feel tat she changes alot..becoming more sensitive and simply hate toking to her abt my own personal stuff, she will nv understand..when she caught my, she is consoling herself and all i did was kept quiet..

disappointment

in melbourne..

results finally out on sat, well, manage to pass everything, glad abt it..which leaves me to the last sem and is the finale..im determined to study hard and begin with a brand new semester and a brand new yr..hope everything will go well for my new yr..anyway im in mel nw and is really a big city as compared to perth..thr r lots of shopping to be done..lol..but still i wan to go bangkok, but sumhow nd to find sum1 to go with me..if i could haf came bck earlier, i would haf gone to hk which i haf plan, but everything is in a mess nw..plans change and sorry cheryl, i really wan to go hk with u, but by the time i come bck, a few more days, your uni reopen..sian..anyway i hope everything is fine for u, no tears frm u anymore alrite..u still haf we guys to be thr for u..buddies r forever..luv u and miss u lots too..hehe..as my best frend..

work hard

though tired frm work, but i noe is all hard work..gd job for me..i simply noe i can bear with it..

goodbye..

goodbye to kenneth, simply feel sad..perhaps i will not get to c him anymore, a consider gd buddy who always tok to me when im down or facing any problems..but nevertheless i will not get to c him anymore in perth, im so down.. the feeling of a best buddy returning bck to klang, can i understand how u feel cheryl, when i come bck to perth..im juz feeling so emo nw..

deep feeling..

wondering my mind, sitting alone, thinking alot..wat can i do to repay my dad nx time, how long can i earn back all the $ tat he send me overseas to study and all the expenses..simply feel so painful when i saw him, he aged alot..he is sloughing hard for me and all i did was study and enjoy myself with his $..i only feel sad when i see my dad, i dare not even look at him,fear tat i will cry..and wat makes me more painful is on tat day of my sis wedding, he is sick..he sat thr whole nite, he muz be feeling painful, juz to c his daughter get married, to c his daughter happiness..since young, he dote on us alot,watever we wan, he gif it to us, no matter how expensive it is..it shd be a happy moment for me to get hme, but nevertheless, it makes me feel sad and painful esp when i return to perth..everyone who is close to me seems to be facing so much problems and sorrows..when will i get to c their happiness..anyway cheryl, thanz for the jay chou cd, listen to track 5, the songs very sentimental..upon hearing it, i realise tears in my eyes, cuz is too emo alr..anyway once again, i miss u alot, with u ard, i think i wun be thinking so much..thanz again..

holidays begins..

the exam fever is finally over, holidays starts nw..how to spend my holiday here till the end of d yr, am i going to be super bored here..but juz felt like being isolated, living in my own world..simply too tired to think of nx yr..

missing and hot

cheryl!!oh gosh, eh i miss u alot leh..muz wait again to get to c u..is alr summer man, is so hot....i nd aircon badly..when the weather is hot, juz dun feel like doing anything,juz felt like showering all the time..lol..i wan the cold weather back..i realise ppl r juz doubtful, when the weather is cold, we simply want the hot weather..but when the weather is hot, we wan the cold weather..tat is y ppl r juz simply too tough to be satisfied..

back..

back to perth, such a short and tiring trip,but is worthwhile though..seeing my sis happiness, with her wedding gown, her wedding pics simply make her look so gorgeous..congrats to her, hope she will be xin fu and i believe she will.. glad to catch up with yb and cheryl, simply miss them so much..thanz for coming to the wedding and sending me off to the airport, simply touched..well, mum told me to come bck and diet, well this time round got to really go on a hard-core diet, which means not eating again..nx time round hopefully when i go bck jb, i hope to resume to my same figure..i saw him, but sumhow juz mixed feelings, confused..he look so different, with lots of problems, sorrow in his eyes..tired, pessimistic,lost in his direction,perhaps he cant be alone..

the smell of jb air..

glad that i be bck on fri, cant wait to touch down..all the excitement and fun..but sadly still haf to return to perth for another paper..anyway is more than enough, 1 day..all i nd is to c everyone i miss..

enthu..

counting down to last 2 days b4 the 1st paper commences..exams take such a long time to come, cant wait to sit for the 1st paper, hmm,but hopefully it is not tat tough aft all, god be thr for me, praying silently to u for those who r sitting for their exams..i guess im the unusual type of person who hopes for the exam to come quickly, yeah indeed, juz wanna sit for the paper and get done with it once and for all..juz dun feel like reading the notes repeatedly, is kinda tiring..the earlier u start studying, u feel tat u forget everything..sian..

am i feeling emo??

preparing for exams is not an easy job, at times, juz feel like giving up, cry out loud, but wat will i gain aft all these actions, back to reality mood-tat is continue studying.. i can stare into space for a while, but when u start looking down, is the notes tat r staring at me, foreign language to me.. i miss my hme, the familiar environment, my desk whr i use to study,my mum taking care of me during exam period,herbal stuff to keep me awake..juz simply miss.. another 9 days left, i simply miss home, all i wan is to be in my mum comfort, to haf a nice chat with her,even if juz simply for a day, im satisfied..

12 days..

sumhow the song lonely, reminds me of wb in ktv..sudd listen to it and all of a sudden i was like laughing to myself..alrite, back to topic..counting down for exams..12 days left & im like havent started studying..writing notes & realise thr is like whole pile of notes to read..oh gosh, will i compelete it on time, time waits for no man, i agree though..2 units required to study the whole txbk and shit mcqs, my worst fear, nv ever did well for mcqs..but i shall give my best shots..anyway weather is starting to change and getting warmer, which is gd..so weather changes, mood changes too..

exam period..

exams commencing in 3 wks time..to be happy or to be sad?haha i think i both..happy cuz can slack aft exams , sad cuz nd to spend time studying & STRESSING..sian.. anyway, at least i can go bck for hmm, 1 and half day, more than enough man..i miss mum and my beancurd & mi-chay kuen..yummy..and not to forget, i miss my best buddy, cheryl..cant wait to c u man..meanwhile, let choing to the end..god bless every1 who is studying hard for exams.. gd results comes from studying smart..

morning sunlight

simply love the morning..but i hate the afternoon and evening.haha recently get so frustrated easily and juz felt like picking up a fight with sum1..whoever piss me off, u get it frm me, i make sure..whoever is trying to make my life difficult, juz get outta my sight..cuz i wun noe wat i will do to u..if any1 trying to accuse me again, u watch out, i make sure i play the same thingy to u too, even if it is not within my means.. always learn: if u dun like a person, dun go ard hurting the other party..he/she will be more miserable..

dream??weird?

how could i ended up with such a bad dream last nite, shit feeling..shitty feeling..how could i haf dreamt of her, am i thinking too much or i juz couldnt leave everything behind..wth..maybe i haf been thinking abt them for these few days, intimating..yucks, i hate it..better dun do it infront of me, cuz the consequences will be bad, i shall use my shoes and 1stly hit on the ger face and 2nd i will use my power hands to punch rite onto the guy stomach..haha but say only, if i haf the courage to do it, i will, but too bad is not within angeline means....her mum bring her up to be an elegant lady but not resort to violence & childish stuff..angry will not bring me to anywhr, but shall i move on and stay a happy go lucky ger..im heading towards this direction, is your loss..too bad..

tedious week..

i reckon every1 are rushing for projects nw, semseter coming to an end soon..finish projects, prepare exams, sumhow studying is tiring..the projects r a killer, it is all abt competing for time..my sis told me, slp less during exam period..i agree too,anyway aft exams u can slp all u wan..every1 shall taste the sweetness soon, so bear with it ya,god will always be thr for us, he bless & love us.. a note for cheryl, miss u so much, sumtimes i juz hope u can be here chio-ing projects with me, and i can complain to u..haha..it seems like i miss u more than my mum..haha..weird rite..i noe u r oso bz with projects, but do rest well alrite..may god bless u too.

ti-rec

exhausted..

tired tired.. 2 tedious week..havent been resting well..but this shall end by this fri and nx monday..and another case study and 2 last presentation & finale, i been done for this semseter..hmm not forgetting abt exams and bck to jb for sis wedding..all i wan nw, is TO GO OUT AND TAKE A BREATHER..HAHA..

6.30 in the morning

how it looks like in the morning at 6.30.. woke up at 6.30, sat on the bed and was looking outside the window, wah, so bright..is like havent even 7 is alr bright..anyway it was bright for only awhile and it started to rain since last nite..gd weather to slp but lots of work to do..sob~

tired..

simply tired..i nd a break..

marketing plan..

so my whole wk shall revolve ard with marketing plan..nike-just do it..

marketing plan..

so my whole wk shall revolve ard with marketing plan..nike-just do it..

missing..

such a long time since i tok to jason..wondering how has he been,kinda miss him,my small brother..anyway hope everything is fine for him..hehe,missing so many ppl,my frends esp,cant wait to c them..but i shall endure my hard period nw,dieting and sch work..haha sibei sian..but wat to do,life goes on rite..prepare for the hardship nw,soon i will enjoy my sweetness of life..anyway feel happy for my sis too,finally rom and soon to start a family..2007 is the period whr i c so much changes, but i understand 1 thing for sure is not to make any wrong judgement on guys and nv be the victim to get hurt anymore..ppl always say to forgive and forget, i tried,but not at this moment, sad to say tat..i feel tat if u did sumthing wrong, learn frm the mistake and repent, not juz making the same mistake over and over again and eventually regret and confessing to ppl tat u feel sorry for the other person,but wat is the pt,u alr done it..learn frm mistakes & dun repeat history anymore..

time waits for no man..

hmm juz a few days din update blog, aiyo..anyway thanz cheryl for being thr for me ya..hehe, i think i shd be better alr..think very clearly alr, im not going to follow my old footstep and be devoted to a person anymore..watever comes, i will juz accept it, im not going to be sad nor emo anymore..stay strong rite, my dear frend..anyway haf been bz with presentations, nv ending preparation..hehe..sian..i hate referencing, takes up my time though..i haf another 3 projects, and everything will end by 15 oct..gosh, rushing and competing for time nw..another mth to go, tat is like so fast..hehe..

din realise tat today is mooncake festival until my mum msg me..oh ya,great, like wat is the point of telling me..wan me to haf a big feast, carrying lanterns ard or wat..celebrating everything alone is alr pathetic, being alone is alr pathetic, carrying all the pains is alr pathetic, doing assignments is alr pathetic, eating veges is alr pathetic, working part-time is alr pathetic, enduring with the cold is alr pathetic, thinking too much is alr pathetic, hating sum1 is alr pathetic, having a 3rd party is alr pathetic, being a 3rd party is oso pathetic, spending the whole day doing assignment is alr pathetic, missing my mum is alr pathetic, missing my frends is alr pathetic, missing him is alr pathetic, y r u still revolving ard in my life.. wat the hell..i hate my mind, i hate to slp, i hate to be quiet, i hate to think..i hate everything include myself..

安靜

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
睡著的大提琴
安靜的舊舊的
我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道
你沒有捨不得
你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開
你要我說多難堪
我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份
包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多
我會一直好好過
你已經遠遠離開
我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份
安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你
是因為我太愛你

on a rainy night..

his ringtone we belong together on his sony ericsson hp, i simply miss him..lying on the bed, hearing the raindrops, couldnt slp..practically tired, trying to close my eyes, no way, cant slp..mind wandering ard..staring into space..is this how am i suppose to lead my bloody life..god pls be thr for me, pull me out frm the misery and pains..

save me

sad, lost, cry, i dunno how to handle this..

hate it..

argh, i feel like scolding this f word..super pek cheh, stupid presentation, no info for it, how to even start..wth..so much problems, so much work, so much to stress..i hate oct period, projects dueing, exams coming..im so slack this sem..it is either hate or love it for nw..shit..

thinking about the past..

y do ppl when they haf nth better to do, their mind start wandering ard...i hate this feeling..lying comfortably on the bed & think alot..thinking of my poly days, i kinda miss ngee ann poly..den thought abt my 1st yr, always skipping classes & slacking in mcdonalds..sudd miss the bunch of tb22 classmates..my 3rd yr last sem exam period was probably the best moment..sum1 came over in the midnite and accompany me while i was studying..eating the cheesecake i bought frm secret recipe and watching soccer match..his favourite latte, love seeing him drinking it..the reason i love starbucks and coffeebean is sumhow tat is where we 1st met, whr we got the location wrong..1 jan a day to rmb, 6 jan the official date to rmb..it hurts when i miss u..

silent prayers..

a decision was made for me to go back on the 10 nov, hmm & i book my ticket which is a midnite flight & i juz sincerly pray that my exams do not fall on the fri or sat..let me juz go bck peacefully for my dearest sis wedding..though abit relunctant to go bck, but wat to do, my 1 and only sis, haf to be thr to witness her happiness, to share the joy with her..cheryl, i insist u come for the wedding ok, let me spend some time with u..miss u alot babe..

confused..

so much to do, yet dunno whr to start..

friendster out..

stop browsing frendster & is gd to noe less frm nw on..watever it is, i dun care abt it anymore, im dead..i wan to reborn as a new angeline lim, cheerful, dun gif a damn abt the entire world..

be myself..

i can be sad for nw but not forever..move on..decisions lies in my hand..

sleeping pills..

does sleeping pills really help a person to sleep peacefully..i nd it, i couldnt slp well these few days..peter, if any chance u haf it, gif me..it will greatly help me, or if not can purchase it frm whr?pharmacy? am i like going nuts??

support and encouragement

totally lost in direction, thinking alot..for peter, i bet u r reading my blog nw, thanz for supporting me & toking to me on the phone for juz awhile..i appreciate tat alot..

betrayed..

i felt so betrayed..found some pics on frendster, makes me feel so sad & angry..no wonder u r cold towards me, thanz alot for your coldness..u make me noe wat to do nw..maybe u r more happier with the other party, well i dun c the point to compare at all..she probably has everything for u..the fact tat i lose to her is cuz of my presence, but is nw only a few mths..but is alrite for nw..

alone at hme..peace

some things juz nd to be let go, if u dun try letting it go, u wouldnt noe how it feels..yest my frend was telling me the feeling of cutting your wrist, perhaps he haf alr try it b4, well let me experience it & i shall c wht the feeling is wat he has describe to me.. seriously if i haf the courage, no problem jumping down frm the building, once & for all, agree rite..the pain is juz for a few seconds and thr u go lying thr sleeping in peace..no worries, juz let it go peacefully..if u noe tat u haf not cherish a person much, frm nw on learn to treasure him/her, or else u will regret when he/she is gone..care, love, support, lending her a listening ear is all she nds nw..nw i really understand y ppl who haf study over in perth for a yr plus wouldnt feel like going bck to their own country,well i think i do haf this feeling too..thr is juz too much freedom over here, no parents ctrl, juz haf to worry abt my own life over here..though thr r many obstacles that i ought to face it myself, but i realise i haf learn to be more independent & mature..

the end of the world..

today was standing outside of my hse, looking at the cars & ppl passing by..i was thinking of getting a knife and cut myself..a very strong urge to do tat, but whr is my courage..im so tired..coping with working, projects, presentations preparation..loads..i wan to end it..could i do tat..

gym-ing

went for gym today, seems to be a few yrs since i last visit the gym..rmb the last time i visit the gym was hmm, during my primary sch days..a trainer was thr to guide both my sis & i, and well at tat time i use to hate the trainer..today when i went for gym, it was a streneous exercise, im so tired & wasnt in an appetite to even eat..well, got to wake up early tml at 8am for my 2nd gyming session..tired & off to bed..

starbucks

browsing thru starbucks website, thinking of doing sb for my marketing plan..i miss the coffee thr, too bad perth doesnt haf any sb outlet, or else i be spotted slacking thr everyday..wow, realise tat sb seems to haf introduce many new coffees, latte esp izzit??anyway was looking at some irrelevant research abt the nutritional info, but den realise tat though u order nonfat milk,but the sugar level is still high..so anyway is still fattening..but to conclude, if u r a coffee lover, den dun bother looking at the nutrional info esp for those who r on diet..

realization..

im like so addicted to blogging..write down all my feelings & thoughts,watever is bothering me..
well, this morning b4 i went to work, kinda miss my grandma & gave her a call..told her i fell down, & while toking to her, i realise i was crying.. gers r emotional creatures, y cant we juz ctrl our tears.. im a weak & emotional person n cry easily..
i simply love this song by babyface-everytime i close my eyes..last time i always feel oldies arent tat nice to listen & always wonder how come he love it so much..and nw i realize tat the lyrics in oldies r more meaningful..
as for my bad fall, my knees r watery & cover with blood & jeans stain with blood..watever alr..blame myself for being clumsy..

moody..

in a moody state..nobody cares..

ifs..

a sat nite, planning to start on my project, but couldnt stand all the thinkings & painfulness, so decided to join my frend for steamboat session.. haf a great fun at least for tat moment to stop thinking abt the heavy work loads n enjoy myself thruout the nite.. & found a poster abt IFs..a strong urge to juz tear it down n place in my rm..since i haf many neverending ifs..wish sumone could juz gif me some care for nw..

ouch..

went for a jog & all of a sudden, sumone fell down..guess who is the person??indeed the clumsy person is me..tears in my eyes the moment i stand up, slowly limp back hme..blood on my knees and both palms, altogether covering with 5 handyplast.. perhaps it has been a few yrs since i fell down & i guess this is the most serious.. rmb the days when i fell down, the 1st person who will be thr for me is my grandma..i reach hme n call to my grandma, aft showering, she will be the one to clean up my wounds n console me when im in pain..i feel so warmth..but this time round, when i open the door, all i see was an empty hse, walk into the bathrm, took a shower & clean my wounds n tears were in my eyes, it was painful.. all i did was, i told myself:u nd to be strong, your parents send u here is to let u be more independent, u can do it,this is really nth..i haf to take care of myself, im alr a grown up..though is pain, all i nd is to withstand it..but deep in my heart, i feel like going back hme, i miss the warm & caring shelter..i miss my dearest..

exhausted

two words to describe my feelings for now, tired & lost..angeline nds a hug..

goals?achievable?

the 1 wk semseter break is officially here.. is not the moment to enjoy, but to get down to work..4 presentations coming along right aft the break..toking abt presentations, well im not a gd presenter & my heart beats super fast like a shotgun and thr goes my stammering & lost in words..
finally, my decision for my marketing plan is on nike & my frend on adidas, we shall work hand in hand, n get it done once & for all..hopefully i haf make the right choice & pray hard tat everything is on the right track to attain an excellent mark..my other goal for the break is to get on a hardcore diet which i haf been doing for like 2 wks, gosh it makes me feel so hungry in the middle of the nite esp with the cold weather..ppl eat more to gif them warmth, i starve to make myself colder..

lonely night thoughts..

playing bejeweled, listening to songs, many memories spining in my head, thinking abt the times when i was with u..i miss the hugs.. if only nw i can satisfy all your wants, regardless u wan eat ice-cream, i eat with u, u wan drink coffee, i drink with u, u wan wash clothes, i help u wash, u wan go out, i go with u, u wan drink liquor, i drink with u, u wan watch movies, i watch with u, u wan me to be by your side, i wish i could.. if & neverending ifs, if only im thr for u.. nw i can only say time passes fast, im worried with my studies..im stuck..tat is the bad thing to take mkgt & mgmt, ended up with neverending assignments..gosh..

if u r facing with problems or stress level rising up to 100 degrees, hurry hide in your bed, cover yourself with blanket & sleep..angeline way of escapism..

holidaying mood!!!

at last my paper has ended, confidence level drop dramatically, can i pass my paper?god be thr for me..exams ended & here comes my 1 wk holiday..sian, i wish i could juz gif up studying, i hate projects, esp INDIVIDUAL!! Marketing plan, i hate it, i nd some direction to which organization shd i do.. one word, LOST!!

today saw a vacancy in a bakery shop hiring casual packers and is like wow midnite job.. i simply love midnite job which starts at 2am, leads me back to my past midnite job in borders.. i guess i shd try it, since the pay will be super high and at the same time can save $ for hk trip nx yr...looking forward to holidays..

emotional??

feeling emo, listen to this 2 songs: so sick of love songs & stick with you..my favourite..

understanding and trust

a gloomy day..y is everyday gloomy?due to the weather perhaps,cold weather makes a person feel sad and depressed..finally i receive a call frm my mum and all she insist that i attend the wedding,but how?is during my exam period and they r not understandable enough and she even wanted to change to oct and request that i come bck for 2 days..but oct and nov r the critical period,projects due, exams coming..i nd alot of preparation..projects r the major ones in order to pass all my units.. argh,i juz feel like shouting..hmm, perhaps i get drunk & forget it for a short moment??

trust?seriously i nd more trust frm u, stop hiding things behind my back..watever u do, juz be truthful to me, i will forgive & forget..how r u going to settle everything when i come bck??haf u ever thought of it..

all angeline nds nw is sum1 to be by herside, tok & cheer her up.. i miss my dearest cheryl, if only she is here nw..

breather..

if ever feel down, the only way is to grab your ipod, wear your jogging shoes and go for a jog..

short period of changes..

my 1st time of blogging..sounds interesting..but i guess this is the only way to communicate out my feelings and thoughts..a bad day to start with, had my consumer behaviour exam & totally flunked it, qns asking abt video clip, din attend lecture so obviously couldnt ans it..who to blame but me!!!

in perth for juz 7 mths & many changes back home..realising that im drifting apart with my family members,wat is happening back home, nobody seems to be telling me,juz cuz im far apart..anyway im treated as an invisible person..my sis is getting married in nov,but her plannings for the marriage,no1 seems to be telling me..and the only piece of info is her wedding will be set on 10 nov, which is during my exam period..i wish i could attend, my only sis getting married,but wat did i tell her: u go ahead with your plans, no nd to bother abt me..i shall go ahead with my plans by coming bck in mid dec..i noe she couldnt wait till dec,cheryl u shd noe the reason rite..

nx yr, i be expecting a new member in my family..wat r the plannings for nx yr??everything nds planning,time passes fast..afraid to c all the changes by d end of the yr when i return hme..will i c changes in my frends, my family members, ivan?? looking forward to go back, missing every1 greatly..